#because she understands the importance of family unlike one specific man

[aboxofcereales]

I think there should be some magnificent writing done of the looming moral dilemma of Elspeth Rook Mercar, the Breaker of Bonds, the firm believer in heroic nonsense, falling for a Lucanis Dellamorte, whose calling is death, the First Talon of the Crows. Because no matter how big and soft his heart is, he’s still unavoidably will lead the organization who helped to save Thedas, yes, but also is intertwined with many of the horrors that the Shadow Dragons oppose. And yet, still she will always choose Treviso, instead of Minrathous.

[i-am-trying-my-best-okay]

Potentially a hot take but I think Dipper might be the most emotionally intelligent out of both sets of Pines twins, but in a very specific way.

Ford really isn't overly concerned about people's feelings; it's just not something he really tends to think about or prioritize. And when he does think about it, he tends to only view people's emotions based on how he would feel about the situation.

Stan is skilled in knowing how to handle people and quickly grasping their intentions. He's a con man that understands crowd mentality and how to play it. Overall, he just knows what people tend to want to hear and gives it to them, so quick with a lie. And because of this, he's wary of when people tell him what he wants to hear. He's a con man that recognizes a con, and knows a person's intentions and desires are important so he looks for them. But he doesn't really know how to interact and connect with people genuinely and openly. He wants to have genuine connections, specifically with his family, but for all of his life he's either delt with people that didn't care for him and made it obvious (his father), people who didn't seem as invested in having a relationship with one another as he did (Ford), or people he's had to constantly lie to and thrown on a persona to survive (his years being homeless and being Mr. Mystery). Because of this, genuine feelings and connections are difficult for him to navigate and articulate, or even really understand.

Mabel, out of all of them, definitely cares the most about other people's feelings. She spends time thinking about others feelings long after the fact, considers them carefully, with the end goal of everyone being happy. But she can get so caught up in what she thought would make everyone happy, that it can be difficult for her to take a step back and look at if what she's trying to do is really the right thing for people.

But Dipper is the one that tends to just, like, quickly grasp the heart of an emotional situation and just points it out. And, unlike Mabel, he doesn't really prioritizes everyone being happy, so when he points it out he tends to be very blunt about it. He also, surprisingly, is the first to take a step back and look at a situation, and what the right thing to do is, even if it's not what he wants, something Mabel and Ford have difficulties with. He also doesn't get upset if he's the one in the wrong, able to admit it easily once he realizes it and immediately has a desire to amend what he did wrong. However, he too has a blind spot, as does everyone. This blind spot being his paranoia; if he doesn't fully know about the situation, the conclusion he'll end up at will always be the worst one (stan portal situation). Dipper very rarely takes previous loyalties into consideration when trying to figure out what's going on; if it's someone he knows and loves he'll try to find out proof that go against his suspicions, but if he doesn't immediately find any he'll jump to an answer that speaks to his paranoia (opposite from Mabel, who is predisposed to firmly see the best in others even if there is evidence proving otherwise).

[crguang]

// rain burst spoilers

tagging because i know some of yall are also new to the game and the update just came out but i need to yap to myself for a minute. about garofano specifically.

so many thoughts that need to come out, i don’t know if it’s recency bias but she’s officially my second favorite character in the game man… like i already loved her a lot after her interro and i’ve explained how she’s my type in every single way but i wasn’t expecting her to have such a big role in this event and i was really pleasantly surprised, she stole the show a bit. couldn’t focus on shit but her voice and mannerisms. im also glad to have some more info about the garden because they were always kinda blurry in my mind but to learn that they actually treat each other like family and it not only being sumire’s opinion on coquelic (her savior) warmed my heart like. sumire, who was the first character i liked in the game, talking about garo like this godddd they’re my everything. they care about each other so bad… found each other when they were all at their lowest… that’s family.

garo’s so loved. she’s soooo cherished by the people around her and it means the world to me knowing how desperately she needed a family after she lost her biological one. i understand more the fear that drives her now, because unlike how it looks like just by reading through her interro, her love is actually reciprocated. the garden all cling to each other and they’re “the only treasure she has”… to see the lengths she’s willing to go to just to assure their safety is so inspiring to me. i know we’re all like omg freaky milf and yeah she’s a freaky milf but i loved seeing how much she genuinely cares. there are sinners (cough cabernet cassia cough) who will objectify people for their own selfish needs and not necessarily give a shit about them but garo cares, her calling her loved ones “possessions” is just born out of an extreme fear of abandonment and loneliness because she loves them. she’s not surrounding herself with just anybody in order to not be alone. these people understand her, and that’s very important to her. they’re all people who have gone through something similar to what she has, who had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. she has a relationship with them. idk it was really nice to see how she thinks about her found family. this line tugged at my heartstrings fr, and the one where she’s struggling to go on due to the extreme mania contamination in her body but keeps going so she doesn’t become bait for her family and indirectly hurts them… i swoooned

she wants revenge on those who have hurt her and her loved ones but it’s not really what drives her, it’s that burning desire to protect them so they wont be used or hurt again. it all comes down to this for real, and that’s admirable to me. loved the traits that separate her from rahu; where rahu protects the innocent, garo protects her people and that’s all that matters. love how she straight up said she didnt give a fuck 😭 she’s ready to “burn in hell” for her actions if it means her loved ones are safe like shes sooo intense and i really love that about her.

i have so much shit to say about her, man. seeing her skills in action was AMAZING, especially against an s-rank sinner like rahu!!! i was lowkey cheering for her im sorry. she’s fast and dexterous with her fingers so yall know what that means hehehe hahaha i need her in me. her composure… the way it only breaks when someone mentions her family being used because of her… how quickly she regains control in a situation that has destabilized her… the mocking, teasing tone she takes with rahu even as she’s getting thrown around like a doll and her sense of humour with the dog collar she sends her like ohhhhh my god i’m obsessed. im obsessedddd there are so many moments i couldnt screenshot or else i'd have the whole event in my camera roll and also tumblr wont allow them all in one post but know that they're imprinted in my gray matter

speaking of getting thrown around like a doll— THIS EVENT STRESSED ME OUTTTTT. omg. i was so stressed out bro garo was getting hurt left and right and i was in my room like “please please please get up get up im begging youre fine walk it off” the whole time. rahu and her big ass shield like put that shit away?! slamming her around by the neck please get your hands off her immediately?!?! and then this…. i cant believe they made me read about how she’s crying and cursing as she’s getting tortured i couldnt even be horny. i was so stressed out i couldnt even goon out to her whimpering and gasping and breathing hard. see how serious this shit was?… she was barely breathing when she got corrupted by wtv the fuck those underground dudes carry around AND THEN GOT RIDDLED WITH BULLETS? AND THENNNNNNN GOT BEATEN UP BY RAHU???? OH MY DAYS. LEAVE MY WOMAN ALONEEEEEEEEEE. shit, they all got a hit on her i was SICK. paradeisos you will burn to the ground. langley hop on that helicopter before you get taken down too

and speaking of cursing…. i need aisno to never beep another curse word again. they’ve been slacking off on that front and good for me because hearing garofano swear made my day it sounds so out of place and sexy coming from her. the emphasis on “fucks” like she really hates these dudes😭😭 it’s so hot. it’s so hot man. i cant add the video on here bc tumblr is a bitch that wont let me add multiple vids in one post but i tweeted it here for those who wanna hear it, i'm usually a private acc but i felt like being public for a while lol

anyway this really was an amazing event and the #1 garo stan now

[ananke-xiii]

I've written somewhere that Team Free Will is actually Team Dean's Will but it wasn't, like, a criticism or something like that, it was what I personally got once the show was over (and I still have very legit concerns about Dean's choice during the last episode).

I don't think Chuck won in the end because he, as a character, wouldn't have wanted for Dean to die. As far as polysemy goes, Chuck does represent many things but, to be really honest, I don't really think he represents John Winchester on a cosmic level. Like, yeah, OF COURSE, we can definitely put them together in the "Shitty Fathers" box but when Chuck tells Dean that he's not like his father I think he's not that wrong after all. Chuck is much worse and not because he's a John Winchester on a gigantic scale, it's not about quantity. He's worse because he just is.

Leaving aside the many problematic aspects of their relationship, Mary and John can be totally seen as Amara and Chuck (the show does go there and I think it's interesting for many reasons) but it's also true that the one who lied in the couple was Mary, not John. Even if we know why she had to lie and it can be understandable, it's also true that both Sam and Mary are willing to omit a Very Important Thing about themselves that, eventually, gets their partners killed. But, unlike Chuck who's to blame for his omissions, lies and manipulations, both Sam and Mary are two characters that, even more than Amara, are ALWAYS stripped of any choice. So it's almost like no matter what they do, they can only fight for their free will but never fully live it (SPN final thesis: you can never get what you want).

So yeah, if we consider John as a person and, more specifically, as a partner (therefore not in his paternal role), Chuck's not like him at all. Chuck's in control of his narrative, John couldn't even choose his own car at the dealership (btw, in my fantasy John has a love/hate relationship with the whole album "Boys for Pele" by Tori Amos that he keeps hidden like Bobby's passion for Tori Spelling). John is very much mainly narrated by other characters, in this respect he's just like Mary, to be honest. We don't 100% know who he is because he's a character described by absence. So much so that Sam and Dean didn't even know he had a fucking SECRET family!!!

Chuck is portrayed to be less enigmatic. We know he lies because we are shown that multiple times even before "Moriah". He's a character without much depth and that bothers him So. Much. He's a God who wants to be like Keith Richards. LOL!

However, even if Chuck, to me, objectively doesn't win (I also have my own "Billie won theory"), he neverthless does represent the Dictorial Power of Shitty Fathers that some might call The Patriarchy (not me. I would NEVER!). In this way, yes, he sort of wins because, as I've said, the natural order wins in the end and, in SPN, the natural order is Absent, Shitty Fathers. The sugarcoated version of the bygone days, the bittersweet nostalgia for a golden past that inevitably leads to death.

And who, the show tells us, represents all of the above? The absence of John Winchester via the presence of his journal. A man who's become so powerful he's been morphed into a myth. Maybe he is the real tulpa of this story, after all.

What does this have to do with Team Dean's Will? I find that saying that what Dean did in the end is a "choice" is very troublesome. To me personally. But the show does imply that, not strongly enough because it leaves some room for doubt but it ultimately does that. So okay, I'll bite and will consider it to be a Real Choice out of Dean's Free Will. Fine. What about Sam, though?

S15 starts with Sam and Rowena and ends with Sam and Dean. Rowena and Dean both commit suicide that's not 100% framed as suicide. Among other things, it is framed as a sacrifice. And Sam's there with them and he doesn't want that. He says so. He tells Rowena to "screw the books" and he tells Dean that he doesn't want what Dean is asking for.

Rowena's act is framed as being done out of her own agency because she believes in prophecy and magic. To which I say bullshit, not to Rowena but to the show because this is a cop-out. Since S13 Rowena couldn't do what she wanted to do because it wasn't possible. Fine. But how come that prophecy seems to be working only for her? How come the "rules are rules" mindset only applies to her? Why do other characters' books change and hers alone doesn't? How come her sacrifice is both destined and out of her own free will? It means that it can happen then! That destiny and free will can coincide! This change in thinking about the question is so packed with possibilities that they could've done another 15 seasons about it. Unfortunately, destiny and free will seem to meet in Definite Death which meh. Story over.

And Sam? He's still there. Participating and not participating. Against his will.

With Dean things are a bit different because we do know that Chuck is obsessed with him. Once Chuck is out of the picture, we could imply, Dean's finally "free" to choose what he wants. Which is such a naive thought because if it were only the absence and/or presence of things/persons to determine our lives we, perhaps, wouldn't need therapy.

But, as I've said, I'll be good and keep my promise: let's say Dean chooses out of his own free will. It should be cool for us, right? This is what Dean wants. The Big Big Bad is not dead but he's not the man behind the curtains anymore so hurrah! Free/Dean's Will wins. We should feel like we must respect that. And yet, it doesn't feel right.

And Sam? He's still there. Participating and not participating. Against his will.

It doesn't feel very "Free Willy" if the people just let the orca free. It's not very Free Will for Sam if the show tells us that it's Dean literally getting out of the picture that will "free" Sam. Brrrrrrr.

So what does this tell me? That the "destiny vs free will" discourse seems to be working only when there's a villain on the horizon, a commanding power that wants to tell you what to do, someone actually stronger than you whose actions can alter your life's story.

If you take that power out, what's left? Only people with their choices. And your absent, dead father's journal radiating The Real Power (the idea of power inside your mind that controls you). Is free will still in the room with us? Cause it starts to look like somebody's supposedly "free" will might be somebody's else constraint. As far as Sam is concerned, it seems to say: it doesn't matter whether there's a God, Death or that prophecy is real or not. What matters is that you can only stand there, participating and not participating. You don't want that? Too bad, 'cause that's what you got.

Maybe the finale really took the worst from my "Billie won theory" and the worst from the "Chuck won theory", i.e. an idea of natural order that upholds patriarchy. Or, since I can and will go there, that the natural order is the patriarchy.

So what about Free Will, is it an illusion? If it applies to only a few it certainly doesn't seem like something worth fighting for. And the natural order is indeed restored in the end. I don't think the show gives a real answer to that, by the end of S15 there are so many things that simultaneously mean 100 other things that everybody can take what they want from the show.

If you ask me, I think it was a moot question, to be honest. It made sense in S4-5 but once SPN goes full meta in S15 it becomes very superficial. Of course I know they're fictional characters and literally don't have free will, the premises were interesting because I wanted to see how these characters would react to stuff happening in the story. Once the story is revelead to be a bluff, though, what am I left with? Characters spiralling into crisis after crisis. This could be interesting in a novel but in a 15-seasons-long series you have to give me something ELSE as well, the "all die more or less happily" last-minute finale (knowing Heaven is a scam, by the way) is just... not having to deal with the consequences of the narrative choices that were made.

Or, perhaps, Supernatural is a show where one of its themes is "destiny vs free will" that ultimately tells you that there's no destiny but there's also no free will, there's only John's journal aka the Power of the Dominant Narrative. Which is the power of the people who write that narrative for us to believe in it. Perhaps, not even the people making the show were free to do what they would've liked to do. They were also there, like Sam, participating and not participating. Finding ways to cope.

[annepsilvaauthor]

You Belong With Me - Jamie Dutton

Pairing: Jamie Dutton x OC (Ava North)

Summary: Ava only wanted one thing: to be a horse tamer. And when she had the chance, she took it. Ava became the new horse tamer of Yellowstone, a totally different ranch from the others she met, either because of its immensity or because of family problems. Ava thought her problems were big, but when she met the Dutton family that thought dies. However, there is a Dutton who is a point out of the curve, a lawyer mistreated by the problems and by his own family. Meeting Jamie Dutton may not have been the work of chance, after all one broken understands the other.

Warnings: Subtle sexual innuendos, brief language, alcohol consumption, angst, smut, fluffy.

Parte II

Bosses are called 'sir'

In the days that followed, Ava tried to do her best at work, but it was difficult not to notice the cowboys' looks on her. At least, she seemed to have earned their respect and they just looked at her with curiosity, perhaps thinking the same as Lloyd. She just ignored all this and tried to fit in with them, getting into their games and playing poker games.

A specific look did not seem to have changed: Lee Dutton, son and foreman of John Dutton. He was the oldest son and to whom Ava realized that John gave more confidence and love. John's look at Lee was completely different from looking at Jamie. Ava admitted that Lee was an attractive man, who knew how to govern the cowboys well and take care of the pasture, but did not look like a landowner. He loved to take care of the land but not command it.

Sometimes, when returning from the expeditions with the cattle, Lee invited her to talk about the work, but deep down she knew he wanted to know more about her. Ava wouldn't reveal anything. Since she was little she recognized the value of discretion and silence, in addition, Ava did not feel attracted to him enough to tell him about her suffering life. However, the silence did not seem to bother Lee, since he always found an opportunity to talk to her. Ava even liked these moments, after all he was an eye drop and was still one of the only cowboys in which the subject did not revolve around football or cattle.

Lee was a nice guy. So cool that she allowed him to kiss her. It happened behind the barn after she fixed the horses inside the stables. It was still day and he surprised her with a stolen kiss. To her surprise, his kiss was soft, sweet, completely different from what she expected from a cowboy. A point outside the curve. Ava enjoyed that kiss until they both lost their breath.

A throat scratch prevented Lee from saying anything about that gesture and they both turned their heads to the left, where Jamie was. Unlike the other times she had seen him, he wore slippers, wide sweatpants and a white blouse transparent enough for her to notice some chest muscles and hair. His hair was not licked with gel, it looked natural, as if he had just woken up and just ran his fingers to comb them, which she found very difficult to have happened. Jamie seemed to give a lot of importance to his appearance.

For a moment her whole body burned. He was...different, he almost looked like an ordinary person. Lee moved far enough from her with a heavy and angry sigh and looked at his brother.

"Dad wants to see you at home." Jamie announced and took a sip of his coffee in a big blue cup.

"I'll go in a little while."

"It's better to go now. You know that dad hates waiting."

Ava could feel the tension in Lee's body even from afar and was sure of his anger when he left stepping firmly on the sand floor until he disappeared from sight. As she did not want to be among the affairs of the family, Ava recomposed herself and began to walk away from there, but his voice appeared again.

"Who are you?"

"Ava."

"How long have you been working here, Ava?"

"A month." She tried to respond as politely as possible, but his incisive tone was making her angry.

"I think you had enough time to know that the bosses are called 'sr'."

"Yes, I had."

"So why do you talk to me as if I were one of you?" Jamie asked about that nonsense and drank another sip of the coffee. Ava wanted to punch that cup and break his nose.

"I didn't know you were my boss."

He laughed without humor and approached her. "That doesn't surprise me at all. If you really knew who your bosses are, you wouldn't go out kissing anyone."

It was her turn to laugh in derision. "I'm confused...sir...are you complaining that I kissed that boss and not 'this' boss?"

Jamie choked on the coffee, spitting out the liquid and dirtying the clear shirt. Well, she found the weak point of that well of arrogance. Ava observed that his expression became bitter, even a little painful and she was intrigued by that.

"Do you want some help, sir?" Ava asked with false education and Jamie denied it with a gesture, then leaving. "Idiot."

[just-a-strange-boy]

better strangers - part 2

part 1 * part 3 * part 4

The handsome stranger you hooked up with turns out to be your sister's new boyfriend. You find yourself conflicted, especially because he won't stop making advances at you.

Pairing: Stephen Strange x ftm!reader

Warnings: 18+ (Minors DNI), cheating (reader endorses it, even though they are literally cheating on reader's sister), unprotected penetrative sex

A/N: honestly, I don't know what "inspired" me to write something as cruel as this, besides the prompt of "infidelity" and maybe wanting to incorperate the tragedy to want someone you can't have in a very off-putting, evil way? ... I understand if this is not the one for y'all and wouldn't mind if you skip. Stephen & Reader are both so unlikable in this, maybe they do deserve each other :/

Having fucked your sister's newest boyfriend during a purely anonymous hook-up was a fact that you did not know how to handle correctly, for a multitude of reasons.

For one, you couldn't possibly be honest and tell her about it, even if you had wanted to. Maybe it wouldn't have been such a shock to her to know that her brother was up for anon hook-ups, it wasn't her place to judge after all, but she certainly would not be too happy about learning how her current boyfriend had hooked-up with him, not all that long ago.

At the same time, it would be wrong to throw Stephen under the bus. Your meeting had been discreet and anonymous, had (as you presumed, at least) taken place before their relationship, though you didn't ask for specifics.

Technically you would have never gotten around to meet him ever again, if it weren't for this surprising circumstance.

It had been a no strings attached thing, sex that didn't mean anything.

It didn't even matter that you knew each other. You had no relation to one another, Stephen should date whoever he wanted to date. What had happened between you two was not of importance.

Besides that, you genuinely liked Stephen. Apparently, that ran in the family, because so did your sister. She seemed to be rather happy with him, from what you noticed at least, and while he didn't come around your shared apartment too often, you still had the opportunity to get to know more of him, this mesmerizing man you had previously wondered about.

He could have resented you. Could have avoided you, out of the sheer of embarrassment of having been intimate with one another and now ending up in this constellation. But he was so friendly around you, the both of you pretending nothing had ever happened, trying to act casual whenever your paths crossed.

Whether it was during shared dinner or just bumping awkwardly into one another whenever he did spent time around the apartment, Stephen usually paused for a quick chat, always inquired whether you were well, flashed you a smile, never seeming so troubled in the way that you were.

Because oh boy, you definitely were troubled. At this point it was just tormenting, the way that night had etched itself into your brain and replayed constantly because of Stephen suddenly being an actual figure in your life - even though it hadn't really meant anything. Silly of you, to tell yourself that. You couldn't forget. You couldn't shut out the fact that Stephen had fucked you and how good it had been. If it hadn't meant anything, you wouldn't have thought about it like this.

Every time he was around, as much as his presence was friendly and enjoyable, you couldn't help but to think about how intimate the prior situation had been. How he had looked naked, all of his hotness. How he had fucked your mouth. How he had spoken to you, deep and filthy. How he had railed you into the mattress afterwards, entirely unapologetic. How he had felt on top of you, how nice his cock had felt inside of you. How he had kissed you and called you handsome.

And whenever you tried to convince yourself how all of that didn't matter, your thoughts still circled back to one realization: Even now that he was in a relationship with your sister, out of all people, you still found him desirable. Not that it mattered how you thought or felt about him.

The one thing conflicting you the most though? Stephen wouldn't stop making advances on you.

It started maybe four to five months after your sister had initially introduced Stephen to you.

On some days, he tended to stay around a while longer after joining dinner. Occasionally, he stayed even longer than that. Sometimes until the morning, so once in a while you could most certainly hear them have sex, trying to shut out the noises with your headphones, rather listening to music than anything going on in the adjacent bedroom.

The day his advances started, he had just come around for dinner after work. Your sister was always keen on inviting him for that purpose only, knowing that in a stressful and time-consuming profession like his, home-cooked meals were a bliss. You couldn't blame him for making use of that and it didn't bother you much to cook for one more person.

Afterwards, Stephen had offered his help with the dishes, assuring your sister that it was okay for her to not join and you would do just fine with the kitchen-cleaning.

So it had only been the two of you in the same room, with your sister remaining in the other. Knowing she still could have heard either of you talking, you once again found yourself in a situation where you couldn't have possibly addressed what had happened between the two of you.

Sometimes you felt more than just an itch to mention it, just to figure out whether he was as conflicted about this as you were.

In all that time of their relationship, you had never managed to talk to Stephen about that night, what it meant (did it mean anything?), either because it had felt wrong to do so or because there hadn't been enough time to mention it.

He hadn't either. Maybe Stephen didn't even want to talk about it and that was only fair. Why should he have? Maybe it didn't even matter to him that it had happened. Maybe you shouldn't ever try to mention it – things were just fine like this. You were friendly and casual around each other, had been for the last months. It hadn't seemed to be an issue from the get go, not for the way you behaved around each other, even though it sure did add to your inner turmoil.

You went on and repressed the urge to mention it... because it worked.

It wasn't an awkward silence between the two of you in that kitchen: side by side, your hands wet with soapy dishwater as you scrubbed plates in the sink, Stephen drying the pots and pans with a dishrag.

He initiated conversation eventually.

“You know... I find myself wondering, with all these amazing meals you come up with. Where did you learn to cook that well?”, he asked you, speaking softly. Looking over at him, you found him glancing back at you in return, his ocean-blue eyes as attentive as usual. He had a mesmerizing gaze. You still hadn't forgotten how your eyes had been locked all while doing the most filthy things imaginable.

“Try and error”, you shrugged and smiled at him, “For the most part. I took cooking courses in the past. Cooking and baking...kind of helps me regulate my anxiety. That's also the reason why I stress-bake and your whole ward ends up with my stuff, because we possibly couldn't eat it all here by ourselves.”

“I consider myself very lucky. Everything you've ever made and I've tasted was very delicious”, Stephen assured you, softly adding your name. It was rolling off his lips so easily and smoothly that you had to scold yourself for even thinking about how nice it was to hear him say it. Though honestly, hearing him say anything was pleasant to your ears. His voice was heavenly.

“Oh, thanks. I live to please, apparently. And put good food in people's bellies”, you said, rinsing off the last plate and putting it aside, before turning to Stephen, holding out your soapy, wet hands – wordlessly asking for the towel to dry them off.

“You're welcome”, Stephen muttered and turned to you. Instead of just handing you the towel, so you could do it on your own, he reached for your hands to dry them off himself, finger after finger, slowly and carefully, stepping a little closer as he took care of your hands.

It was oddly quiet, oddly tense, between the two of you all of the sudden. There was an indescribable force seeming to pull you into each other and you weren't really sure what was going on at this point.

Stephen let go off your hands eventually and placed the towel aside, only to reach out to you again, daring to grab you by the waist, which was very bold. Before you knew it, he had pulled you even closer, pressing your body up to his, looking at you with the same intent and dark gaze, so close you could feel his warm breath on your face.

“What are you doing?” You found your face burning up, caught by the surprise of the moment, heart jumping in your chest, uncomfortably aware that your sister was in the room next door, while the two of you were in a position you shouldn't have been in. But you didn't withdraw from his hold, too overwhelmed with the suddenness, too tense with all those conflicted feelings welling up within you.

“I was just thinking about how I should have fucked you a second time back then”, Stephen whispered, barely audible.

Okay. You couldn't really reply anything to that. The words alone seemed to tie your tongue, even more so the fact that Stephen was addressing the subject so casually, while being so close to you, clearly flirting, saying something he shouldn't be admitting to.

Of course, you weren't able to deny you had thought about it too. Often enough. What it would have been like, had the handsome stranger stayed around to fuck you another and maybe even a third time.

But now? While Stephen was dating a close family member? It felt wrong to even think about what you would let this man do to you if you had the chance. It was most definitely wrong to let him do this. To you. But to your sister too.

“I should...um... sorry”, you eventually said and drew back, easily winding yourself out of his grip, because he let you go without protesting, and then you were fleeing the scene immediately, putting the distance between you, which was more than necessary.

You had no doubts that Stephen understood why you did. He had to know that it shouldn't be happening, that this was so fucking wrong on so many levels, that you couldn't allow this as much as your body was physically craving this man.

Anyone decent would know that it wasn't right. You knew it. He knew it. But that didn't stop the older man from coming onto you whenever he could.

Of course, it wasn't likely to happen while your sister was near or in the room with the two of you, but Stephen coming around the apartment made for plenty of troubling encounters that set you on edge.

It wound you up, because you wanted the other man, you wanted to be touched, to touch him – but you simply couldn't. Couldn't allow yourself to feel like this. Couldn't allow yourself to betray your sister and enable him to do it. You couldn't believe he kept on doing it. You couldn't believe you didn't mind as much as you should have.

And Stephen used this fact to rile you up on purpose whenever your paths crossed.

You were tempted to give in when you stumbled upon Stephen in the shower one morning.

All you had wanted was to go for a piss – it was maybe six in the morning – and you had been so tired that the sound of the shower running hadn't kept you from entering the bathroom. You had just ignored it honestly. Not that it would have been a big deal, after living with your sister for forever, used to sharing the bathroom. While you kept your individual privacy, something like using the toilet when you needed to wouldn't have bothered her much.

But it wasn't her, you recognized quickly.

The clothes currently residing on the hamper were clearly Stephen's, the figure in the shower cubicle was clearly Stephen's, and technically you knew that you should have fled the scene immediately, hoping your presence went as unnoticed as it could be, but you really needed to go to the toilet – the downside of only having one bathroom in the apartment.

You didn't really know what to do. Respect his privacy and leave him be? Talk to him and ask him whether you could just use the toilet for a moment? Your body remained frozen where it stood, barely having closed the bathroom door behind you, and you did the least reasonable thing – gawking at him.

The man didn't notice you right away, standing under the spray of the shower, washing the remainders of soap off his body. He had his back turned to you and you let your eyes drift over the broad backside, over his firm ass, those long and toned legs, undeniably handsome, by any means a true temptation. You hadn't forgotten his the front view either.

There was no way of denying that you were attracted to him – how could you ignore the sight of him – and he was basically served on the platter for you right now. Part of you was definitely subconsciously toying with the idea of being bold and joining him in the shower right away, if it only meant you got to touch him again... Even though you hated you would have been willing to do this in the first place.

“I don't appreciate being spied on in the shower”, the familiar, pleasant voice ripped you out of your thoughts again, and you took note that the man had turned around, looking at you through the glass of the shower cabin, presenting all of his naked glory to you, entirely unashamed.

“You'd only have to ask if you wanted to look.”

“I just wanted to... use the toilet”, you tried to justify your presence, but knew Stephen wasn't buying it by the way his eyebrows arched up at you. You weren't lying, but it must have come off as a silly excuse after staring him up and down.

His mouth curved into an amused smile. You wondered what was going through his head in the same moment. You wondered if he would have let you slip into the shower with him. What would he do to you if you'd only let him?

“Go ahead then, I don't mind”, Stephen responded then and while he was pushing limits, he had the decency of turning his back to you again, actually letting you pee in peace without making another teasing comment. But god, even when he wasn't chatting you up and tempting you with his advances, you couldn't stop resisting. You couldn't ignore him, looking at the man in the shower in the meanwhile and how his back muscles flexed while he was washing himself.

Shaking your head at the ridiculousness of the situation, you tried to get rid of the thought how desperately you would have wanted to join him, getting back up, flushing the toilet, and left the bathroom again, before Stephen could even make the offer to you.

It was only a matter of time though.

You eventually cracked when Stephen came to see you, and you alone, while your sister was working a night shift.

It was late, after ten already, and you had been huddled under a blanket on the couch all on your own, watching you favorite sitcom on the TV while enjoying a cup of hot tea, in your pajamas, wondering who the hell dared to annoy you at that time of day when the doorbell rang.

You hadn't expected a visitor, a little confused at first and more so disgruntled, but still opened the door up, especially when you realized it was no one but Stephen himself after peeking through the spy.

Admittedly, Stephen's presence might not have been expected, though it certainly didn't bother you.

“What are you doing here?”, you greeted him at the door, knowing that he knew about your sister working the night shift today, aware she wouldn't be here and still coming over regardless, clearly having something on his mind. He wouldn't have just come here for nothing. You dreaded the thought as much as it sent sparks of excitement through your body.

“I was wondering if you would perhaps... want some company?”, Stephen requested as you let him step into the hallway before even letting him give an answer, not wanting him to remain in the stairwell where any kind of neighbors could have paid attention to your conversation.

The man closed the door shut behind him, taking off his coat and shoes – it had gotten quite cold outside this time of year – and his blue eyes bore right into you again, the slight smirk on his lips as self-assured and confident as always, as he looked you up and down.

“Sure”, you shrugged without developing any second thoughts and simply accepted, now that he was basically already getting undressed, smiling back at Stephen with means of being a good host. “Do you want some tea? I'll put the kettle on.”

“No, I don't want any tea, thank you”, Stephen replied and with a long stride in your direction, he came onto you, trapping you between him and the wall in no time, cornering you with his broad frame – something you hadn't seen coming until it was happening, something that went far beyond of what was allowed, something that shouldn't have been happening at all.

He wasn't pressing up against you just yet, but it did strike you more than enough having him so close to you again. Because now he could. He was dominating the situation with ease while you went all weak in the knees, and there was nothing stopping you both now.

“But you know what I want, don't you? I think you might want it too”, he spoke then, his voice low and husky, though there was no need to whisper right now. If there was a time to speak all the words needing to be said, if there was a time to resolve the tension between you two, this was it.

After all, you were completely alone. For the first time since that one night, it was truly just the both of you.

“You think?”, you muttered back with a huff, grinning up at him, and your question was answered with a kiss as Stephen leaned into you, his large and gentle hands brought up to cup your face in them, bodies slotting together like they had only once before ever, and a spark of arousal surged through you, being as daring as to kiss him right back, hungry to finally taste his lips again.

It was so wrong, so forbidden. It was so honest, so passionate too. Because neither of you could deny the fact how much you wanted each other, so fucking much you couldn't resist each other, ignoring all kinds of human decency. Ever since that first time, ever since getting a taste of the man that Stephen Strange was, ever since the man had entered your life in the most unexpected way, you had simply craved more of him and you couldn't refuse anymore.

And once you began, you couldn't stop devouring each other. Even when you nudged him backwards with a push, seemingly trying to put distance between you, though only meaning to shove him into the direction of the living room, your bodies returned to each other, like forced by a magnetic pull. Your mouths kept slotting together, your hands stayed busy with pawing at your bodies, stumbling over your own feet and barely making it to the room without tripping.

Both of you were panting heavily by the time you got there, continuing to make out in the middle of your living room, hot breaths mingling between you, and as you stood still for a moment, you could feel your heart thrumming in your chest again, excitement winding your body up, finally able to be with Stephen.

“Let me see you”, the older man requested, closing the distance between you another time as he reached for the hem of your sleep shirt. In silent understanding you let him pull it off you, toss it aside, displaying your body so that Stephen could muster you much better in the soft light of the room. His eyes were set on you, fixated like he was drinking in the sight of you.

You returned the favor, tugging on Stephen's sweater until it was off, once more adoring the sight, finally putting your hands on him again, letting them travel over the plane of his chest, down his toned stomach and further down, going straight for his crotch and you cupped him through his trousers, feeling how quickly he was getting aroused under your innocent touch alone.

“Fuck, you really know how to get me going”, Stephen groaned, shifting his hips to press further into your hand, relishing in the attention given to his member. “I've been dreaming of doing this with you again. Using your mouth again. Maybe letting you ride my cock. Fucking my cum right into you until I have you dripping. All mine”, he admitted, the husky gravel of his voice and his filthy choice of words driving you mad with lust, causing you to squeeze him a little harder, kneading the hardening cock pressing against its restraints.

You were dying to feel him again, dying to feel him in your hand, your mouth, inside of you.

“You don't even wanna know how horny it has made me to have you around all the time”, you responded, proving that you had a filthy mouth too, tempting Stephen as you still massaged his clothed erection, wanting to keep him on edge, wanting to make him as crazy for you as you were for him, “Not to mention how often I came wishing my fingers could be replaced by your cock.”

“I'll gladly be at your service today”, the man then said, letting his hands travel along the pale skin of your chest in return, fingers grazing the fine lines of your scars, trailing over your skin, the wisps of hair on your stomach before tugging on the waistband of your pajama pants with the clearest intentions, snapping it temptingly. “Will the couch do?”, he asked, a devilish smirk on his lips.

“Anything will do”, you shrugged and both of you went ahead to step out of the rest of your clothing in a rush, adding to the heap of fabric scattered along the floor, hands never leaving the other person until you were both completely naked.

Stephen pulled you along to get settled on the couch, sitting down, sinking into the cushions, as you quickly climbed onto his lap, not wanting to waste another minute. Perched atop his thighs, Stephen's fingers dug lightly into the flesh of your waist, keeping you seated there as you plundered each others mouths again, though stilling any movement.

You were very aware that his cock must have been achingly hard, throbbing and begging for attention, already nudging you with interest.

“You're so hot. A sin”, Stephen murmured against your lips, your hands had wound up in his hair, mussing up brown tresses spiked with gray, “Maybe I ended up with the wrong sibling.”

The comment surprised you, but you decided on giving him a mischievous grin.

“Maybe you did”, you mused, too drunk on passion to even think about how wrong your words were. How you were betraying your sister's own trust and doing things you definitely shouldn't be doing, knowing fully well that this would hurt her and ruin not only their persisting relationship, but also your own.

But how could this be wrong if it felt so right?

“And I'll make sure to fuck you so much better”, you promised quietly and unashamed, one hand sneaking over Stephen's lean stomach again, and further down to his cock, grabbing the pulsating member, wasting no time as you led the glistening tip to your entrance, carefully easing him in, a moan and shudder leaving the both of you when you sank down on it.

Yet again, your gazes crossed once more, Stephen's blue eyes staring right into your soul, and parted lips were adorned with a satisfied smile as you took him in entirely.

“You really wanna take the risk?”, he muttered, seemingly unfazed by the lack of protection, thumbs grazing your hip bones, keeping you steady on his lap as you found support on his shoulders, keeping yourself seated on his cock, walls clenching around his largeness, while you were in absolute bliss about the feeling of being so full, heat flushing up your skin.

“I don't care. I want you to fuck me raw”, you pleaded and rolled your hips into him for the first time, starting to move on top of Stephen, leaning in to whisper into his ear, “I want your cum inside of me and I want to feel you for days.”

Stephen took in a deep breath. “Naughty”, was all he whispered back, suddenly so speechless as he grasped your waist tighter, holding you steady as he allowed you to ride him, movements slow and meant to tease, up and sinking back down to take him in completely every time.

You lowered your head, grinning into the crook of his neck where Stephen couldn't see it, panting hard and heavy against his skin, letting your lips brush against his pulse point, kissing his throat, knowing that although you could not mark him, you would make sure to claim him, have him wrapped around your finger – keep him on edge, just because you could, and make this unforgettable.

You wanted him to think about this forever.

Eventually Stephen gained more control over the situation and began moving with you, his own hips snapping upwards to push deep into you when you sank down to meet his thrusts, fingers painfully clawing into the soft flesh of your hips, low groans and ragged breaths filling the air, everything else around you simply fading away. He was hungry.

You rode him hard, vigorously, enjoying every single sound, every single reaction, every hard upward thrust you gained from the man as you bounced on his cock, so entirely at your mercy, surrendering to you so freely – like he wasn't just cheating, like you weren't just enabling him to cheat, like it wasn't your sister you both betrayed here.

But you surrendered to Stephen just as much, intoxicated with the man, his hands tightening their grip on your waist, his breath on your skin, his groans, and the way he fucked you so good.

You were so obsessed with him, enamored with his attentiveness, savoring every touch and kiss and thrust of him. Baring your throat to Stephen, you practically demanded him to claim you, to mark you, bruise you – not caring if you would end up with hickeys and traces of teeth on your pale skin, wearing them proudly, even in front of your sister, lying about them as you were obviously planning on keeping your little secret.

It didn't take long until you came hard on Stephen's cock, your entire body trembling, thighs shaking, while the other man simply kept thrusting into you relentlessly, moving until he himself found release, spilling his hot semen into you, both of you sweaty and panting and melting into each other, groaning into each others mouths and swearing obscenities, basking in the moment of your conjoined high.

He was looking at you then, those ocean-blue eyes still managing to capture you completely, that wicked smirk on his lips, the flush of sex all over him. Delectable. Stephen Strange was a sin. He brought out the worst in you and apparently, you did have the same effect on him.

This time, Stephen stayed. Because he could, didn't have anywhere to be, didn't have to fear being discovered in such a promiscuous position.

He stayed with you, enjoying the afterglow with you, cuddling together on the couch.

He stayed even longer, head buried between your thighs, bringing you to yet another intense orgasm with his tongue. And he stayed for a shower, where you decided to repay the favor and take good care of him, taking a second load, down your throat this time.

Even after Stephen left that night, you didn't have to be alone for long, didn't have to miss Stephen much. You both had a perfectly valid reason to be around each other plenty of times a week – and you continued this small game of sharing fleeting glances at the dinner table, teasing touches when passing each other in the hallway, Stephen arriving before your sister would be home from work and simply coming over when he knew you'd be alone.

There was no reason for her to become suspicious as she was under the impression you just got along rather well. Which you sure did. All you had to do was to keep feeding her pretty little lies.

Sometimes you wondered though... how much longer would you be able to keep this going? How much longer would you be able to endure lying to her, playing this game?

How much longer would you be able to ignore the nasty feeling of jealousy setting in the pit of your stomach and the dooming realization he would never quite be yours?

[alice-and-ethel]

Despite the questionable way Jon Meacham discussed Lincoln’s parents, specifically his relationship with his mother, I was determined to keep reading And There Was Light in hopes that it would improve as a biography so I could get to its more important thematic content. I felt encouraged by the fact that, unlike many other biographers, Meacham does not dismiss Lincoln’s friendship, and probable romance, with Ann Rutledge out of hand…

…and then he fumbled it. His treatment of Ann is unoriginal (I looked at his endnotes, and he literally just parrots Herndon’s account and nothing else), extremely brief, and just way off the mark.

For those who don’t know (most of you probably, lol), the timeline of Lincoln’s relationship with Ann is somewhat complicated, but the tl;dr version is this: Ann was engaged to a well-to-do man, but at some point he revealed that he’d been living in New Salem under a false name/identity because of debts he owed back East. Now he had the money he needed to go to the aid of his impoverished family in New York; as soon as he’d fulfilled his obligations to them, he would return to Illinois and marry Ann. Once he was gone, however, his letters became less frequent and less intimate, and eventually they stopped coming altogether. Ann spent over two years waiting for him, unsure if he was even still alive. It was at some point during this long absence that she and Lincoln—who were very close friends—came to “an understanding” that they would be married after he finished studying law. (Ann also had plans to attend school herself.) By all accounts, she was upset that she was unable to break off her previous engagement in person, but none of them suggest that she was somehow just “settling” for Lincoln or that she saw him as merely a replacement for her missing fiance.

But you wouldn’t know most of that based on how Meacham tells it. He does not specify the length of the separation between Ann and her fiance (which was, again, well over two years) and says “Lincoln saw his chance, and he took it. […] Offering himself as a live alternative to the distant McNamar, Lincoln proposed marriage.”

This is an oversimplification and then some. But then he concludes thusly…

At last, Ann ended the suspense—with a happy result, but one shadowed by the unfinished business with the other man. “In a half-hearted way,” Herndon recalled, “she turned to Lincoln, and her looks told him that he had won.” She would be his wife. He was not her first choice, and he knew that, but he was, in the end, the choice. He had carried the day, but only barely, and very nearly not at all. It had been a close-run thing, and he may have felt more in love with Ann than she was with him. Her evident ambivalence would have been unsettling for Lincoln, who had certainly not emerged from childhood with a healthy sense of himself. His ambition was a complicated thing: a search for a sense of legitimacy that, at some level and to some degree, he did not feel within himself. Shadowed by his mother’s shameful origins—and by the rumors about his own—he was in a precarious position in the larger world he had found in New Salem. With Ann Rutledge, he was a second choice, a runner-up, an accommodation. [sic] Perhaps to cope with that uncomfortable reality, Lincoln taught himself to fall even more deeply in love with Ann, perhaps seeking to purge her ambivalence—and his anguish at her ambivalence—in the flames of consuming passion.

Now, I’m a hopeless romantic, and I will freely admit that is a bias here. But I’ve also read The Shadows Rise: Abraham Lincoln and the Ann Rutledge Legend by John Evangelist Walsh twice now, which analyzes and interrogates the large amount of testimony given by people who knew both Ann and Lincoln intimately. There’s no indication whatsoever that Ann was “ambivalent” towards Lincoln in any way. Maybe his feelings were stronger than hers, but at worst she considered him a very dear friend—hardly a terrible foundation for a marriage. She did (according to the memories of her family and neighbors) feel guilt over breaking her first engagement, but not because she thought of Lincoln as an “accommodation” (gag). And of course Meacham then has to reiterate his belief that Lincoln was personally insecure and ashamed of his mother and therefore of himself. I don’t buy it based on the knowledge I already have of Lincoln, and Meacham didn’t sell me on it. As for “taught himself to fall more deeply in love”—what does that even mean? Ann, by this author’s own admission, was a beautiful, intelligent, much sought-after young woman. Maybe Lincoln just actually loved her?

This passage is infuriating. It’s unsupported by the evidence (not that he quotes any!) and is FULL of the author’s suppositions and assumptions—“may have…would have…perhaps…perhaps…” Thanks, I hate it!

So, I think this one is going back to the library.

[darklinaforever]

I'm sick of people saying/thinking that Daemon doesn't love/care about/ignore his daughters on a daily basis, that it's a fact and you have to be blind or in denial not to to see him.

First of all :

People all too easily forget that short, but very cute scene, where we see Daemon teaching High Valyrian to Baela, effectively sharing with her his heritage and culture, something that we know is particularly close to Daemon's heart. Then, before going to bed, Baela bends down to kiss Daemon, who cocks his cheek to receive his goodnight kiss. The relationship between Daemon and his daughter Baela therefore seems good, and absolutely nothing indicates otherwise.

I doubt a dad who doesn't love/care/ignore his daughters on a daily basis would do that. In reality, a father who did all of those things would definitely not do anything the scene showed.

Second :

Then we learn that Rhaena, Daemon's second daughter, unlike her sister, still hasn't seen her dragon egg hatch. The little one therefore seems full of uncertainty, even going so far as to place herself below the other members of her family, judging herself less important because she has no dragon. In that same scene, she also states that Daemon is ignoring her. However, before taking Rhaena's words at face value, it's important to remember that it's very common for a child this age to feel ignored by a parent, or to think they're less loved than their siblings, especially if the child in question has a particular insecurity. Which, here, is the case for Rhaena.

Another important detail, Laena defends Daemon to her daughter, saying that he does his best.

And I think it is, otherwise the episode would have shown us Daemon being a horrible father, and probably Laena taking him back on that. However, once again, she defends him instead, while obviously consoling her daughter in the process.

Laena is not a victim. She's a Velaryon. She of Targaryen blood, descends from ancient Valyria and rides Vaghar, the greatest dragon in the world. It's certainly not Daemon who will scare him.

We see that she confronts him on the subjects that bother him. She takes him back to his current state. That he's not himself, that he actually has no interest in Pentos, hides in the books of the library, hardly sleeps anymore, that he lies saying that his brother and his house don't he doesn't miss it. Hell, she even tells him she knows she's not the woman he wanted. (And we all know she knows about Rhaenyra) If Daemon was mistreating Rhaena, as some idiots think since this episode, she definitely would have reprimanded him about it. Moreover, this discussion between Laena and Daemon takes place after the discussion between Laena and Rhaena. An important detail to note. The little one is full of her father's behavior, Laena defends him and goes to talk to him right after, finally letting us finally understand as a spectator that Daemon is in fact in a very bad situation.

What we see in this episode is actually a brooding, self-exiling Daemon trying to be content with his current life and family, but missing Viserys and more specifically Rhaenyra, which plunges him into an undeniable depression.

He tones down his true nature in an attempt to be happy, but it doesn't work, and gets worse over time. Laena will tell him “The man I married was worth more than that. “, which shows that their marriage has not always been like this, that she worries about him and would like him to find his inner fire.

I don't think he dislikes Rhaena because she doesn't have a dragon. It's stupid to say that. Mainly for two reasons. First, Daemon himself had not yet claimed a dragon at the age of Rhaena, (see the book for that) and then Viserys himself, I remind you, has no dragon, and yet we all know that Daemon undeniably and unconditionally loves his big brother.

Also, Viserys, in addition to being his older brother, was also his father figure for much of his life. It is therefore normal that Daemon particularly likes Viserys, even if it can also explain Daemon's difficulties in being a father, in addition to his depression, in view of his model. Let's not forget after all that Viserys made mistakes, and was not the best father or brother in the world, far from it!

As for Daemon, let's be clear, he's always been a chaotic being (in the show), having trouble expressing his emotions properly. But with its current state, it must be even worse. We also know that Daemon clearly has trouble managing (or even not at all) what he can't control, and or what gives him an emotional overflow. So, I think Daemon probably doesn't really know how to comfort Rhaena about her lack of a dragon, or even how to properly broach this topic with her.

Maybe that's why when Laena finds the right words to comfort Rhaena, she automatically tells her that's what Daemon would say to her as well, because knowing him well, she knows that would be the case.

The fact that Baela's egg has hatched also presumably allows Daemon to facilitate a connection with his daughter. And from what we've seen in the show so far, I think Baela is the one who looks the most like Daemon due to her impulsiveness, which is why he would be more connected with her than Rhaena.

Third :

Now let's move on to this famous scene where everyone is crying foul! That Daemon looks indifferent and or cold with his daughters, mourning the death of their mother. Going so far as to use the scene in question to "prove" what a bad father Daemon is who ignores/don't care/don't love them.

Let's be clear. This is bullshit. Simply because Matt Smith didn't play the scene that way, and it shows.

Daemon doesn't look cold, and or indifferent in this scene. He is distant, yes, but he also looks sad. His gaze gives the impression of wanting to console his children, but of not knowing what to say or do exactly to achieve this, his little reflex of the hand surely testifying to his discomfort with the situation.

I recall that Daemon has literally just seen his wife commit suicide / burn alive before his eyes. Are you aware of the impact that such an event can have on someone? I think it's minimally understandable that Daemon doesn't handle the situation very well as a result.

Not to mention that given his obvious depression presented earlier in the episode, beyond the sadness and shock of Laena's death, Daemon must have felt lost and confused. Such an event is extremely hard to manage, even more so to explain it to your own children, especially for someone who has trouble managing / supporting what they cannot control, and or what gives them too many emotions . (What Daemon is basically in the series again)

But Daemon becomes a bad father for that? Because of a traumatic event that you refuse to treat as such, which pushes him to isolate himself at the end of episode 6 and part of episode 7? Why ? I don't know if you realize how disturbing what you are saying/suggesting is. Not everyone is able to comfort their loved ones in this type of situation (for the most part much less traumatic than Laena's death) and that does not necessarily mean that the person is a bad parent / does not like / doesn't care about / care about his children. It's amazing to think that way.

By the way, I love the double standard in relation to this situation! Literally, Viserys did the same thing in episodes 1 and 2 with Aemma's death, isolating himself from everyone, ignoring Rhaenyra. However, I do not see anyone insulting Viserys or using this period between him and Rhaenyra to bring down his character and the affection he has for him.

I will add that at least Daemon himself broke the news of Laena's death to his daughters. Because yeah, that's basically what that rooftop scene is about. Daemon therefore moved to speak/see his daughters after Laena's brutal death. Again, a dad who doesn't love/care/ignore his daughters on a daily basis wouldn't do that. Viserys, on the other hand, clearly did not bother, and Rhaenyra probably learned of her mother's death from the servants, in addition to being immediately ignored by her father in the days that followed, before he named her heiress, to then return to hide in her solitude for a period of 6 months while "flirting" with Alicent.

This scene is in no way a valid endorsement/point for saying that Daemon ignores his girls in general/on a daily basis. Already because it is a complicated and traumatic event, but which is also in contradiction with the scene where we see Daemon making Baela study the high Valyrian earlier in episode 6.

Fourth :

While Viserys offers Daemon to return to King's Landing, he replies that Pentos is his home and that of his children (Rhaena is therefore visibly included, showing that he also cares about her), thus indicating that 'he is concerned about his daughters' possible feelings about being uprooted from the place where they have always lived.

If Daemon was only driven by a selfish desire to go back to hiding in Pentos (and I mean only, because there's definitely a bit of that in the case), he wouldn't have included his daughters in his refusal. to return to King's Landing. It wasn't necessary. Daemon has never been characterized as a hypocritical character, on the contrary. He is a character who says what he thinks bluntly, and above all who never seeks excuses for his actions. Usually what Daemon says, well he means it. (even if be careful, there is still a human being capable of saying empty words, in particular hurtful)

Some would surely say that was hypocritical of Daemon, as he would ultimately decide to stay to be with Rhaenyra. But there is however a huge difference. Viserys' proposal brings nothing positive to Daemon. Go back to the course and its endless problems? What would that mean to him and his children at this point? Not to mention that Otto is back as a hand, and I doubt Daemon would want to hang out with him again or even have his kids nearby. He may stay, of course, but for how long? His next exile? In comparison, Rhaenyra offers him everything he ever wanted. The comfort of a home. She. Someone who trusts him. Then a position to assist/defend Rhaenyra and their House. That's literally everything Daemon ever wanted.

There's also living in Dragonstone, the literal birthplace of House Targaryen, the last true remnant of ancient Valyria. Daemon, who doesn't seem to find his place anywhere, Valyria having disappeared, would undeniably feel at home there. Moreover, he sought refuge there in episode 2, instead of returning to the Vale, as Viserys had ordered him at the time. I am also convinced that in addition to living there, he would love to raise his children there. The fact is that when we find Daemon there in episode 8, 6 years later, the latter looks the happiest and most fulfilled we have seen so far.

Fifth :

When we find Baela years later in episode 8, she does not hesitate to write to her father to warn him of Vaemond's plans regarding the claim of Driftmark and the questioning of Luke's legitimacy. An indication that Daemon and Baela's relationship has not deteriorated over time despite the bad patch after Laena's death. If so, Baela could have written directly to Rhaenyra, since the matter was indeed about her son. That, or if Baela had simply had a bad relationship with her blended family in recent years (as some love to claim), well she could have simply not written to them at all, preferring to support the position of her grandmother Rhaenys, what she didn't do.

Also, I can't believe I need to spell this out, but just because Baela was taken as a ward by Rhaenys doesn't mean she didn't live in Dragonstone at all, never seeing Daemon again these years. (because yes, some believed it!) It is obvious that this one divided her time between Driftmark and Stone dragon with episode 8, or Baela returns precisely with Rhaenyra and Daemon after having solved the problem of succession of the Velaryon house, not to mention the heard and satisfied looks between Baela and Jace during the engagement announcement. It is fully seen/understood that the children have been spending time together for the past few years and know each other well, explaining their joyful prospect of engagement.

And no, Daemon accepting Baela as Rhaenys' ward is not an example of Daemon trying to get rid of his child. It's literally just respecting the wishes of Laena in episode 6 who just wanted her children to know Driftmark / their birthright. Baela being obviously the eldest of her daughters (apparently in the series instead of being twins?), it is therefore automatically her that Rhaenys chooses for a possible future change of succession that she hoped to see carried out with Corlys.

Sixth :

During dinner, Daemon also shows his approval and joy/satisfaction with the marriages between his daughters Baela and Rhaena, and his stepsons, Jace and Luke.

Note that he can rejoice in these unions as much in terms of politics as affections, one does not prevent the other. Besides Rhaenyra, the children themselves seem very happy and satisfied with this prospect, implying that the purely political aspect of these unions is to be thrown away.

So unless you think the worst of Daemon, I don't see why he in particular couldn't be genuinely happy in part for the union of his daughters and sons-in-law.

Don't forget that the children and Daemyra lived together for 6 years. Nothing tells us, or allows us to affirm, that Daemon and Rhaenyra were unaware that these unions would be appreciated by their children. If it is, they knew very well that the perspective would please them (it would be quite amusing by the way). Yes, it was Rhaenyra who proposed to Rhaenys, but it's highly unlikely that she hadn't discussed it with Daemon before. Not to mention that in view of Daemyra's liabilities with arranged marriages (I remind you that both thought it was the equivalent of being sold), it is therefore not impossible / improbable to think that they would seek in consequence to offer more pleasant unions to their children, in spite of the political aspect, which would not give them this negative impression.

Seventh :

There's this nifty and pretty scene, or Daemon, at baby Visenya's funeral, shortly after the knight swears he'll never have a child, looks up in one direction, and the camera pans to automatically on a specific part of the crowd, where Baela and Rhaena are.

Knowing the book, there's a certain symbolic power added to this scene (although I'm not sure the directors thought of it that way, let's not give them too much credit), besides the fact that Daemon had looked at his daughters in a moment of emotion.

As Daemon has just lost a baby, more specifically a girl, and as the kneeling knight swears never to have children, Daemon's eyes finally turn to Baela and Rhaena. It may seem innocuous at first glance, a simple pretty scene, but when you consider that after this event Daemon will indeed never have children again, well, yes, it is quite powerful.

Not only can this be seen as a subtle harbinger of the grim future ahead, but it also shows us that Daemon truly cares/cares for his daughters in his own way. Think about it, he just lost his last child, his only daughter with Rhaenyra, and look at the first ones he had, the ones that made him a father, while another man swears at his feet that he will never have children.

I will add that the deleted scene of Baela, which Ryan Condal also considers canon, shows Baela saying with force and pride that she is a dragon rider like her mother, her father, and her grandmother. Again, this indicates a good relationship between her and Daemon. There's no reason for her to quote him in her tirade any other way.

It is also wise to think that Baela would not have a very good relationship with her father, if the latter was really neglectful with Rhaena, or did not really care about her. We saw her in episode 7, Baela is protective of her sister. Ferociously. No reason to think that she would actually tolerate inappropriate behavior on her father's part towards Rhaena, besides having a good relationship with him.

Conclusion :

I will conclude by being very clear and honest. I don't appreciate the treatment the show has given to Daemon's relationship with his children, or with other characters.

But to exaggerate things by saying he's a bad dad on the show, doesn't love his daughters/don't care about her/ignores them, etc. is just plain wrong.

No I am not blind as some have already told me, or love to tell me again and again (me or others for that matter), in relation to the situation of Daemon and his daughters. I demonstrate logic and critical thinking. If the characters behave in a certain way or say certain things, it is for a reason that we must try to understand.

Except most people try to take all the nuance out, and make it negative or positive, which is stupid.

Daemon doesn't have a bad relationship with Baela on the show, and he certainly wasn't characterized as ignorant in Episode 6. That's a fact. The situation with Rhaena can be confusing and more complicated (unnecessarily thanks to the shitty scriptwriters, even if it would have been much more digestible if they hadn't cut so much), but through certain scenes we understand when even that Daemon cares for her, and incidentally for all her children. He's just not the most demonstrative person in the world, let alone the simplest. I just hope we finally get a real positive scene between Daemon and Rhaena in Season 2 to confirm/show that to a wider audience.

So for the thousandth time, yes Daemon love his children and care about them, his daughters included damn. And looking at the cut scenes, it's very clear that this parent/child relationship between Daemon and his daughters hasn't been played out in a fundamentally negative light at all, and therefore that's not what appears on our screens through the actors. You can't blame people for not seeing negative things that really don't even matter.

Claiming that Daemon neglects his daughters, doesn't love them, or even mistreats Rhaena is stupid, because nothing indicates it, whether from a scriptwriting or acting point of view.

Again, hopefully in Season 2 we get more scenes for Rhaena and (especially) Baela, individually, and with Daemon. The writers said Baela has "a great relationship with her father", and I'm still waiting to see him more directly. The series indicates a good relationship between the two for now, but I want to see more. Let me finally see the "worthy Daemon's daughter" in action. And obviously, that we give at least a positive scene to Rhaena and Daemon to finally show the spectators correctly that he loves his daughter, and this despite his stupid complex of not having a dragon.

Stop shitting on Daemon's paternity. He's a good dad in the book, and a flawed dad in the show. Facts. He's not a bad father just because he's not perfect. Want examples of real bad parents? Look at Otto, Alicent and Aegon II. See what the upbringing of the first two gave the Green children as proper individuals, unlike the upbringing Daemon gave his daughters/helped give with Laena, Rhaenyra & Rhaenys, and how they seem to be to this day well as people and psychologically speaking.

Well, that was my rant of the day.

[freakcliff]

Susan is either alloaro or aroace and sex favorable and she doesn't figure this out for yeeeeears cos to her sexuality is a part of her power as a queen and her duty as a woman. she has a lot of flirtations with nobles and foriegn important ppl but when she doesn't see it as necessary she will have no romance and all and it takes her ages to realize this isn't how everyone feels

Lucy grew up in Narnia wherein there really aren't rules for romance and sex outside of marriages for political gain & to continue family lines & while different species have slightly different ideas Lucy always liked hanging out with the nature spirits who were very anything goes. she is frequently in some sort of casual fling with some magical creature or the other and she doesn't care about labels because they don't. exist to her. horrible time for her though going back to earth because suddenly the ways she's been entirely comfortable in herself and her sexuality are Wrong and she's forced to consider how she feels about sex and romance along the lines of 1940s British society. she probably id's as something vaguely queer and she's probably arospec in a spicy way but she really prefers living in the woods where no one cares about it

peter is gay and he's a capital R romantic I think. being the oldest and therefore the most exposed to homophobia and then becoming High King made him Insane in many specific ways and I think he has an intense homoerotic relationship with his Loyal Knight/Right Hand Man that everyone is aware is a thing but he never actually Makes Official with the guy because he doesn't know how to talk about his feelings . please he's got this sword

Edmund is chilling the most I think. like it takes him a sec to get over the internalized homophobia cos he's been called gay and he knows that's bad but he gets to a point where he's like oh I like men. whatever. and lives his life. he's got a few flings a great love or two but aside from the stumbling through figuring out sex by trying to use it as leverage in a trade agreement he's the second chillest of his siblings in Narnia & once he gets to earth he's the most chill because unlike Susan and Peter he doesn't have the large amounts of internalized homophobia to make him hate himself when people call him slurs but he's also got enough understanding of how earth works that it's not the most horrible shock

oneeeeee like and I bring back niche and overly specific sexuality headcanons this time Narnia edition

[martelldoran]

WHAT'S THE CAUSALITY LOOP THEORY

Why Emma, thank you so much for asking. I’m not going to waste time before jumping into this because this is gonna get long so without further ado...

Steve Rogers’ Ending and How Endgame Doesn’t Support a Causality Loop and other such rambles

Last month, I came across a TikTok that proposed that Steve’s ending made sense because it existed within a causality loop. I would link the TikTok but I didn’t save it at the time and trying to find videos on that app is impossible. You think Tumblr’s search function is bad? 🙄 But I digress. The TL;DR of the video is that due to time travel and Steve choosing to go back in time to be Peggy’s husband, it created a causality loop where he was always meant to be her husband because he went back in time and stayed there. The TikToker supported his argument by using Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (PoA), another film that uses time travel and has a clearly defined example of a causality loop. However, his argument is fundamentally flawed so I’m going to combine my knowledge of my two biggest fandoms to tell you why.

Continued under the cut because I have no chill. Beware, it's long.

To first tell you how Endgame (EG) doesn’t support a causality loop, we must establish how PoA does establish one and does it successfully. The TikToker specifically mentions the scenes that take place at Hagrid’s Hut surrounding Buckbeak the hippogriff’s execution, so we’ll look at those first. What the film does really well is establish early on that there is something weird going on well before anyone actually goes back in time. There are three things that happen in quick succession during this scene which sets up the causality loop we see later in the film. First, a rock flies through the window and breaks a jar. Second, another rock hits Harry in the back of the head. Third, once outside, Hermione hears a branch snap and thinks she sees ‘something’. There are also two additional moments later on in the film once the Harry, Ron, and Hermione have come out of the Shrieking Shack which should also be noted: a wolf howl that distracts Remus Lupin in werewolf form from attacking the group and somebody casting a full-bodied stag patronus at the edge of the lake to save Harry and Sirius from the Dementors.

Of these occurrences, the first is arguably the most important because it does the most to establish that there is something going on outside of the Trio’s current understanding of their situation. The film makes a point to frame the jar breaking as Important Information the Audience Must Remember because it shows a visibly confused Hermione reacting to it as she picks up the rock for closer inspection and we the audience are given close up of it in her hand. Not only is it framed front and centre in the shot but the rock itself is very distinctive. It’s almost wholly smooth but for a swirl of fossil, thus marking it as not just any rock but An Important Rock To Be Remembered. This was an intentional choice by director Alfonso Curon because he uses this rock to connect this moment to its mirrored scene later on once Harry and Hermione use the Time Turner.

The audience and the characters find out about the causality loop at the same time. There are clearly stated rules of time travel that say that they aren’t to meddle with time but when Harry and Hermione see that Dumbledore, the Minister for Magic, and the executioner are on their way to Hagrid’s hut they panic because their counterparts aren’t leaving. Then, we see Hermione notice something in the pumpkin patch: a distinctive rock, smooth with a swirl of fossil. Again, we see have a close up shot with the rock centred to show its importance. Stylistically, it’s very similar to the shot we saw earlier in the film which gives the audience an emotional pay off for noticing the connection. When Hermione throws the rock and breaks the jar, it sets the causality loop in motion. The jar was always going to break because they went back in time to throw the rock that breaks it.

And it’s the same with all the other instances. Hermione throws the second rock that hits Harry in the back of the head to alert him to the fact they need to get out of the hut. Hermione snaps the branch and is almost seen by her counterpart in the past. Hermione makes the wolf call to distract Lupin from attacking. Harry, and not his father as he had assumed, casts the patronus to save himself and Sirius from the Dementors. But each of these moments are set up clearly in the ‘first run through’ to set up their payoff when the characters realise, ‘Oh, I did these things. They were always meant to happen.’ From a narrative standpoint, these are planned out moments to clue the audience into the fact that there’s something bigger at play. It keeps them ‘in the loop’ as it were.

This doesn’t happen in EG.

To successfully have set up a causality loop that made sense and had the same kind of set up and pay off as we see in PoA, it would have had to have been established as early as 2014 in Captain America: The Winter Soldier (CA:TWS). This does not happen. One of the main themes of CA:TWS is moving on from the past. Peggy Carter herself even says, “I’ve lived my life, my only regret is that you didn’t get to live yours.” Then saying soon after, “Sometimes the best thing we can do is to start over.” Peggy’s character in Captain America: The First Avenger is set up as someone who acts as the backup/back bone of Steve’s own moral compass. When Steve falters at Azzano about what to about the captured 107th, Peggy is there to remind him of what is right. She serves a similar narrative function in CA:TWS. Steve is struggling with life in the present. He’s just seen the helecarriers and argued with Nick Fury about protection vs fear after the botched Lumerian Star mission. Morally, he’s in turmoil and has turned to Peggy for council because he’s trying to find purpose in world where his rigid morality seems to have no place.

From the point of view of creating a causality loop, one would think that this scene in the hospital would be the place where an initial set-up could be made and alert the audience to the long term plan for Steve’s character. Instead, we have Peggy mourning the fact that Steve didn’t get to live his life the way it should have played out, and why would a woman who has supposedly been married to another version of Steve tell him to move on? In addition, when Steve visits the Smithsonian, he watches a video where he sees Peggy talking about how he influenced her life and how during one of his missions, he saved the man that would go on to become her husband. This is the only mention of Peggy’s husband in the entire franchise until Steve reappears as an old man at the end of EG.

Captain America: Civil War (CA:CW) also offers an opportunity to set up the causality loop at Peggy’s funeral but again, this does not happen. The only family we are introduced to is Sharon Carter, Peggy’s grand-niece. When it comes to filmmaking, every choice made is intentional. From the hair and makeup to the clothes, to the music used, everything in a film means something whether it is to further character development, world-building, or the plot. Filmmakers have a limited amount of time to convey a story and anything that doesn’t matter isn’t shown. Therefore, we can conclude from the text of the film that Peggy’s husband doesn’t matter to the narrative. The person in Peggy’s family who matters to the narrative is Sharon Carter which is why she is given prominence during CA:CW’s funeral scene. Had the causality loop been set up here, there would have been a defining moment like in PoA where the audience is clued into the larger story arc. Maybe someone says something, or he meets his older self, but that doesn’t happen. It should also be noted that apart from a small scene in Ant Man, Peggy isn’t mentioned again until EG.

In Endgame itself, the film still fails to set up a causality loop. It could be argued that this is the most important film for the set-up because this is when the audience gets the payoff. The first thing we see after the 5-yer time jump is Steve in a group therapy session for those that survived Thanos’ snap. Survivors share their stories and Steve talks about Peggy, a woman who has been dead in canon for 7-years and who died of old age. It’s incongruous and sticks out because narratively it doesn’t make sense for him to talk about her and not someone he watched disintegrate in front of his eyes. Steve watches his best friend and hundreds of others turn to ash around him and that film ends on his horrified face as he sits by his best friend’s ashes. Narratively, this is the thread that should carry through to EG but instead, he talks about missing his chance with Peggy. However, unlike PoA, there is no indication whether through dialogue or framing that clues the audience into Steve’s eventual ending at the end of the film.

Even when he goes back to the 70s, we see him looking mournfully at Peggy through the blinds in her office and a picture of him, pre-serum, on her desk. Steve and Peggy’s relationship prior to Endgame is supposed to represent the bittersweet loss of the life he could have had had he not sacrificed himself to the cause in CA:TFA. Then, since the audience knows from Steve and Peggy’s conversation in the hospital in CA:TWS that she moved on from Steve to live a happy life, we can assume that this picture is meant as nothing more than a fond memento of someone that meant a lot to her. Once more, there is no indication that Steve is ever meant to be her husband.

It’s impossible to infer a causality loop here in the same way as we saw in PoA. In PoA, there is a payoff for every single unusual or weird moment the story presents the audience before and after the use of time travel but this is something that’s completely absent from Endgame’s narrative. Steve himself doesn’t even vocalise a desire to go back in time at any point in EG nor at any point during the other films he appears in. In fact, when questioned by Tony Stark about the possibility of ‘going home’ in Avengers: Age of Ulton, he says, “The guy who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. I think someone else came out.” While it is indicative of his unhappiness in the modern-day, it does indicate a level of acceptance of the fact that this is his life and he has to make his peace with it. He’s taken what Peggy said in CA:TWS on board. He’s starting over and moving on.

With time travel, and Steve choosing to stay in the past came the fan theory that one of the pallbearers carrying Peggy’s casket in CA:CW is Old Man Steve, her husband. When presented with this fan theory, writer Christopher Markus said during an interview with the LA Times at SDCC 2019,

“I would very much like that. There is no set explanation for Cap’s time travel . . .I mean, we’ve had public disagreements with [directors Anthony and Joe Russo] about what it [time travel] necessarily means, but I love the idea of there being two Steve Rogers in the timeline. One who lived a long life with Peggy and is in the background of that funeral scene watching his young self carry his wife’s coffin up. Not just for the time travel mumbo jumbo of it, but for the just weird, personal pain and satisfaction that would be happening between two Steve Rogers there. I kind of love it.” [emphasis mine]

This shows that unlike in PoA there was no intention of creating a causality loop prior to Markus writing EG with his writing partner Stephen McFeely. In fact, it makes clear that the actual rules of time travel were in contention and that even those making the film didn’t have a unified idea of what they wanted to create in the first place. The fact that there is confusion surrounding EG's time travel is due to the fact that the people behind it, didn't seem to know what they were writing or consider the consequences of it.

What all of this shows is that an argument of a PoA style causality loop doesn’t hold water. The film doesn’t support it, nor do any of the previous films, because there aren’t any indicators for the audience to latch onto. There is no moment of the rock breaking the jar, or the patronus chasing away the dementors, no moment where that the audience is told to hold into this information for later because there’s some timey wimey stuff going on. Ultimately, when examined, there is no set-up for a causality loop that supports the theory he was always supposed to go back and be Peggy’s husband, particularly when examined against a film that successfully lays it out from the start.

Right, the more academic (lol) part of this post is done. I just want to address one more TikTok that bothered me because I have opinions and MCU Captain America is my Mastermind specialist subject.

The TL;DR of this one was that Steve’s ending made sense because he got out of the fight and was at peace and that that has been the ultimate goal of his character arc. This person argued that Steve used the Avengers to distract himself from the fact that he’s this man out of time and he can’t find peace without a fight which to some extent, I agree with. I don’t deny that that is a major driving force to his story. We see that in Age of Ultron with his WandaNightmare. I don’t deny that that is key to his character. However, this creator then made a comment at the end of this video to the tune of, ‘bUt BuCkY iS hIs StOrY aRc’ and tried to play it off like this wasn’t true or that people were wrong to think that this is the case.

These two things aren’t mutually exclusive. They’re both true. They’re intertwined. But you cannot say that Bucky Barnes isn’t at the heart of Steve Rogers’ story. Bucky was the catalyst for every single one of Steve’s movies. He becomes CA because of Bucky. He goes against SHIELD because of Bucky. He defies 107 countries and the Sokovia Accords because of Bucky. You take Bucky out of the equation and what do you have? What happens in those films if you take Bucky Barnes out of the equation? Viewing it objectively, and even without shipper goggles on, you simply cannot sit there and claim that Bucky Barnes isn't a defining component to Steve’s story. Steve Rogers is motivated by Bucky Barnes. Steve Rogers is motivated by the depth of their relationship and the fact that Bucky Barnes is one of the few things connecting his new present to his old life.

You can definitely see the fact that Steve is uncomfortable in the modern world. He doesn’t address any of his trauma but he still attempts to move on. However, if they wanted him getting out of the fight and finding life as a civilian to be the natural end to his story arc then there was a way to do it which didn’t require him going back to Peggy. It would have been a better and more satisfying ending if he’d actively chosen to retire because I often see the argument that him going back to Peggy is him finally allowing him to be selfish after shouldering so much over the past decade or more. If Steve chose to retire and put himself first, then that sends a better message. He’s still getting the chance to ‘be selfish’ but he’s not throwing the life he’s built away. At this point in EG, he’s spent a huge portion of his adult life in the modern-day. This isn’t the future for him anymore, it’s the present and he’s lived a life and made real connections with people. The MCU does a piss poor job of showing the interpersonal relationships between the Avengers but he is at least shown to be friends with Sam, Nat, and Bucky.

But he goes back to a delusion. Or an idea of something that was never his in the first place.

When I see people make these videos and share their opinions, I can see their points but it’s like they’re taking EG on its own when that's impossible. Endgame only ‘works’ if you have the context of 10 years’ worth of films. You have to at least be somewhat familiar with the characters, who they are and what they’ve done up until now to be able to make sense of it.

However, in saying that, they wrote and filmed the movie in a way to make you think you didn’t have to take into account anything you’ve seen in the past ten years. If you only watch Endgame, you only see a grieving man mourning the love he never had. You see a man, regretful that he didn’t get to be with woman he loved. So at the end, of course it would make sense that he goes back to her. But you can only do that if you completely divorce Endgame from its ten-year canon and in a franchise like this where they make a big deal about everything being interconnected, it simply doesn’t work. Steve’s story arc in Endgame is incongruous to the narrative arc we’ve been presented in previous films.

Ultimately, Endgame is a movie you’re supposed to watch once and then not think about again. It’s made for that first viewing when everything is shocking and exciting because if you stop to think about it even a little bit, it falls apart under scrutiny.

Finally, I think that the downfall of a lot of these ‘Steve’s ending makes sense’ posts is that made by people who are most certainly MCU fans but not Steve Rogers fans and it shows.

[boldlyvoid]

the guy at the rock show

she/they reader x Spencer Reid

request for @boba-king-iroh ♥︎

summary: Y/N lost their parents when they were 17, finding a new home and solace in Penelope Garcia and taking the Garcia name. They're the top forensic specialist in D.C, in a band and they drive a motorcycle... not to mention they are madly in love with the cute doctor who works with their sister.

warnings: fluff, mutual pining, getting together, love confessions, friends to lovers, idiots in love, PDA, secret relationships

word count: 5666

a/n: there will be a smutty part 2 eventually because I can't not do that

THE PLAYLIST THAT GOES WITH THEIR SETLIST IF YOU WANT TO LISTEN WHILE YOU READ

Read on Ao3 here!

Taking Garcia’s last name wasn’t something they had to think hard about, Penelope basically raised them; she was like a sister, a best friend and a mother, even a bit of a fairy godmother to Y/N.

They met when Y/N was 17, they were sitting at a support group for dead parents in D.C. Right beside the lovely, overly cheerful, always helpful, Penelope Garcia. At first, Y/N couldn’t stand her, wondering how a person like that could be running a group for mourning people, it made her sick.

It wasn’t until she heard Penelope’s story for the first time, knowing how similar it sounded to her own and how, actually, you can take your grief and turn it into something beautiful. After the meeting, they pulled Penelope aside and gave her a big hug and a thank you.

It was the start of a lovely friendship, one Y/N didn’t know they needed until they were smothered in all the love you could possibly imagine.

The age gap between them wasn’t too big, Penelope was 10 years older than them which meant she was always one step ahead of Y/N and full of advice. Be it fashion, boys, girls and everything in between. They bonded in a way that was unbreakable, they were each other's family.

Penelope even helped her get into med school before she eventually switched to forensic science. Taking on the FBI academy, unlike Penelope, and joining the bureau officially. Penelope was there for her every single step of the way, making her career possible. She loved her dearly and wanted Y/N to succeed more than anyone in the world.

Getting to introduce herself to people as Agent Y/N Garcia, not to be confused with technical analyst Garcia, was one of the best feelings in the world.

Not many people ever mistook them, however, for whatever Penelope was, Y/N was the exact opposite.

Y/N preferred all black everything, she didn’t enjoy partying or close contact or the in-your-face-ness of Penelope’s way of life, she loved her band and motorcycle and being alone. They were quote-unquote edgy, not just for effect, but because it was how they felt the most comfortable, it was who they were and they liked it that way.

They were possibly the best Forensic Specialist the FBI had, keeping her in DC for all the most important cases. Helping her avoid Penelope and the BAU team as much as possible. They were great people, she didn’t hate them at all, it was just a lot of energy that they didn’t have to give to 7 other people all day long.

Spencer was the only one she could tolerate. Rather, he was the one she wanted to spend the most time with, even more than Penelope. He understood Y/N in a way others didn’t.

He was also quiet, like them, he didn’t pick on them or call them mini Garcia, baby-baby girl, or infant as some of them started to call her more recently.

He called them Y/N, he talked to them about star trek whenever he was visiting Penny, and he respected their pronouns. Using both she and they interchangeably, when he spoke of them, unlike most people who only used she and her because it made more sense in their small brains.

However, she wasn’t the only one who got teased. Spencer did as well, almost more because he was around the BAU team constantly. She hated hearing them bully him, he didn’t even count it as bullying but it’s basically what it was sometimes.

They put him down, they didn’t clue him in on things, they called out his stims and didn’t let him finish his sentences, especially when it had to do with his hyper-fixations. He was the brightest light in the room and they just picked his brain till he wasn’t useful anymore, before trying to turn out the light. It made Y/N furious.

They got called Mr and misses genius when they were on a scene together, remembering the first time she ever had a case with the BAU which was also the first time she snapped at someone for being mean to Spencer.

Someone asked Spencer a serious question, to which he did his fucking job and answered. Giving as much detail as humanly possible, being the absolute genius he is and should be praised for, only to have Emily poke him in the cheek and say; “wow, he’s so life-like?”

“Well yeah, cause he’s a fucking human who deserves respect from the people who use his brain all day,” Y/N cursed under their breath from the crime scene, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Leaving the sweetest man on earth to find them later and give them a hug. Thanking them for all that they do, and appreciating what he has to offer. That’s when she realized she liked him, more than just the guy who sometimes sleeps on her couch because he’s friends with her sister.

It was difficult being surrounded by men unlike Spencer, specifically the older men in her field who didn’t understand anything outside of money, guns, and violence. The worst part of the job being the politics in the background; the hierarchy and ass-kissing all because she worked in the nation's capital.

They were sure it was probably better in a smaller facility, a local police station where no one knew her and they could finally have some peace and quiet.

But she’d miss Penelope, and Spencer too for that matter.

At first, they’d hide in their room when Penelope brought him over for movie nights or when he crashed on the couch after bringing her home drunk from the bar. In the early days, she worried that he was going to be her new boyfriend, taking all of Penelope’s free time and leaving Y/N with nothing.

But then he started coming over all the time just to hang out, sitting on the couch with nothing to say, being the third wheel while Y/N and Penelope spent time together. For the last 7 years.

Over that time they had many conversations alone, she learned that he was really smart, he was a lot younger than most of the team because he blew through high school by the time he was 13, and he was genuinely the sweetest man in the whole entire world.

One time, Penelope was running late when Spencer showed up at the door with chips and candy, ready to watch his weekly movie with his friend. Only she wasn’t going to make it home in time, and Y/N didn’t want him to have to go back to his apartment all alone.

“You can come in and watch it with me if you wanted to?” She offered, smiling softly. “What was it you picked for tonight?”

“It was Penelope’s night to choose, so you can pick instead if you want?” Spencer offered right back, walking in like he owned the place.

He was more confident now than he was in the beginning, but that was probably because he was 23 and she was 18.

Back then he’d barely look at her and sometimes he’d shake when they made eye contact or when she got drunk and hugged him goodbye after a long night with Penelope. He was like that with Penny in the early days of their friendship too, apparently, so she didn’t feel too bad about it.

He warmed up eventually, making her wait 7 years for him to do something about the growing feelings they both shared.

“You like Marvel movies right?” She bit the inside of her lip as she waited for his answer. Watching him walk around the kitchen for a bowl that he could put his snacks in.

“Yeah they’re great, I haven’t watched past the second Thor, I think the next one is another Captain America?” he’s all smiles as he joins her on the couch, closer than normal, as close as he’d sit with Penelope, but then again she was a cuddler and Y/N wasn’t.

Sometimes Y/N would come out of her room to find Spencer’s head on Penelope’s lap, resting on a pillow as she ran her fingers through his hair to soothe his perfect mind after a long day. A few times she’s walked in on him crying or even sound asleep in her arms. They had a friendship Y/N admired, they were each other's person.

They comforted each other in the exact way they needed it; Penelope giving him the physical touch he craved and he would often compliment her. He was always telling her she was the best and buying her gifts to show his appreciation, calling her the most beautiful and smartest person he knew. He knew that she needed to hear it, needed the reassurance that she was still a good person and he made her believe it.

It made Y/N love him more seeing how much he cared for her sister.

“The winter soldier is the best!” She gushed, sitting close so they could share the chips as she waited for the movie to load up.

He was very quiet when he watched movies, smiling and laughing at the right parts but typically he paid so much attention it was like he was a statue. Y/N spent more time glancing at him than the actual movie.

“Is there something on my face?” Spencer asked, nervous when he noticed her glance at him for the 100th time that night.

“Oh, no you don’t,” she panicked lightly, swallowing quickly before looking away.

“What?”

“I don’t know, I just think you’re fascinating,” she whispered because then she didn’t really say it, and it didn’t really count.

“Oh,” he smiled softly, leaving it at that and forcing his attention back on the movie.

After a while, Spencer started to get even closer. He put the bowl on the coffee table and sat back almost on top of her, reaching an arm behind the couch so that Y/N was right against his side. He had done it with Penelope before, confident in this little living room, almost forgetting it was Y/N beside him.

Y/N rested her hand on his knee, rubbing her thumb over his jeans in a soft little circle as she pretended to watch the movie. More concerned with Spencer’s breathing and the feeling of his hand inching towards their shoulder than anything else.

Then they heard keys at the front door. Pulling away from each other quickly to curl up on opposite sides of the couch and pretend they weren’t just cuddling.

“Hey, you still came!” Penelope cheered, a little drunk from whatever she was doing before.

“I’d never miss a night with the Garcia’s,” Spencer smiled at her, looking calm and collected as ever while Y/N turned bright pink.

“Oh, I love Bucky! Oh my god let me go change and I’ll come watch too!”

That was just the first time they ended up cuddling, certainly not the last.

—

It wasn’t often that Penelope was too busy to spend time with Y/N, rather the contrary. Sometimes Y/N had to beg her to leave her be at certain events. Like when their band was playing at any of the local bars and Penny started inviting everyone she knew to come and watch her sister play.

It was embarrassing, to say the least, but Y/N loved her support.

When Y/N peaked her head out to see the crowd before a show, normally Penelope was sitting in the front with a drink and at least 4 friends, cheering and chanting their name, ready to rock out to their covers.

Tonight she didn’t see Penelope at all, she knew she wouldn’t, Penelope was in London visiting Emily with Derek for the second time in the past year, leaving no one to come to the monthly show Y/N’s band put on, or so she thought.

Spencer came all by himself.

He was sitting in the front, at a table with a bowl of pretzels and a ginger ale, not interested in the drinking or the socializing, just there to support Y/N. It made her feel giddy, like a schoolchild seeing their crush at recess.

It was so nice of him that it gave her butterflies, and normally that didn’t happen. They could go on and play a show in front of ten thousand people and feel nothing, but the second Spencer Reid was there to cheer them on, they were a mess.

“What song are we doing first again?” Y/N asked Evie, their lead singer and best friend outside of work.

“Who are they?”

Y/N was taken aback, “What?”

“You’ve never been nervous, who came to see you?” Evie clarified her question.

“No one, for fuck sake, I thought we left all the profilers at home tonight?” she sighed, shaking the nerves out of their body as they jumped up and down lightly.

They paced back and forth for a few minutes to wear down the nerves but only managing to make herself sweat to death and discard the leather jacket she always wore on stage. She walked in a circle aimlessly, remembering the setlist in their mind and how the spotlights typically made it so they couldn’t see the crowd anyway so it’s not like she could fuck up by making eye contact with him.

And it’s not like it was the first time he had seen her play, Spencer comes every month with Penelope, he liked a lot of the music they covered from when he was an emo teen in university. They’ve bonded over it before sharing albums and records back and forth, but she was still scared shitless at the prospect of him caring about her enough to come alone.

Especially when he hated being in situations like this in the first place.

It was their turn to go on, the manager of the bar gathering them and telling them to go on and so Y/N started walking towards the stage door, only to be pulled back harshly by Evie’s cold hands.

“Don’t forget your sticks, god who do you wanna fuck so bad it makes you this stupid?” She placed the drumsticks in Y/N’s hands, “get it together.”

“Sorry, it’s the guy in the sweater vest, front row,” they whispered in response, putting their head down and heading to the stage before she could tease them about it.

“The Forensic Lyricists are here once again folks!” The Manager introduced them to the crown, “get ready for them to dig up some classics!” Always the same dumb joke before every show.

Opening with crushcrushcrush by Paramore, thank god she remembered, it was an easy song to play as they warmed up and pushed the nerves away. They could play it in their sleep, with their eyes closed, and so that's what they did.

Eyes closed, mouthing the words as the adrenaline of the night took over the anxiety and made them go insane, like most nights. They didn’t need drinks or drugs to feel hyped at most shows, all she needed was a smile from penny and a good luck text from Spencer.

Playing by memory until she felt more confident and then getting into it. “They taped over your mouth, Scribbled out the truth with their lies, your little spies…”

“Crush, crush, crush, crush crush two, three, four!!” Y/N sung backup for each chorus, finally getting into it.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again.”

They tried their hardest to push the images of that night on the couch with Spencer out of their mind as they sang along, trying to harmonize and cover the backup for Evie as best as she could.

“Let’s be more than this now!”

She always took the bridge, as the drummer and the most passionate one, it only made sense. Y/N always got the crowd on their feet, roaring along as they jumped to the beat.

“Rock and roll, baby, Don't you know that we're all alone now? I need something to sing about. Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? I need something to sing about! Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? Give me something to sing about!”

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, let’s be more than, noOoo!”

She had a crush on Spencer fucking Reid and one now noticed as they tried their hardest to focus on the words when all that came to mind right now was his body heat and how good he smelled and how nice it was that he came to support them.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, Let’s be more than this, more than thiiiiiis, oooooooh, mmmmmmhmmm,” she sang the ending of the song along with Evie, their harmony sounding more perfect than any performance before.

Critics always said the performance is better when you mean the words you’re singing. With that, they accepted their crush on Doctor Spencer Reid after 7 long years of knowing him. They pushed through nerves so that they could go and see him after and do something about it, now that Penelope wasn’t home to tease her for it.

Leading right into Dear Maria, Count Me In. Their bass player, Kat taking the lead for her favourite song. Being an all ‘girl’ punk band was her idea, and now they all enjoyed taking turns singing their favourite songs in front of mostly strangers, once a month.

Every single song made her think of Spencer in some way as she remembered the rest of the set, it had 5 songs in total and each one included at least one reference to something she knew about Spencer.

It was hard to not think about him while he stood at the edge of the stage with everyone and bopped his head along to the beat, a smile growing on his face as he also noticed the little references to them in the songs.

The Rock Show by Blink182 was going to hit a little too close to home as she sang the words all but to him, making eye contact with him as he moved to the best spot to see them play, much like Penelope would do every time.

She didn’t realize how much this song actually represented her life before tonight, starting to sing her song alone while Spencer watched. Deciding on the spot to dedicate it to him in the most fucking obvious way possible, taking her chances because he must have come for a reason.

“Hanging out behind the club on the weekends. Acting stupid, getting drunk with my best friends, I couldn't wait for the summer and the Warped Tour, I remember that it's the first time that I saw him there!”

Spencer was smiling then, noticing the lyric change as they made eye contact, nodding along as he watched. Genuinely enjoying himself and the show, it was lovely to see. She couldn’t help but smile against the mic as she sang and played. Wondering how his face will change with the next verse she watched him from the corner of her eye.

Her bandmates turning to see her as they played their guitars, nodding in agreement at the lyric change, they knew what she was up to. It wasn’t the first time they used the stage to bring someone home with them.

“He's getting kicked out of school cause he's failing. I’m kinda nervous, cause I’m sure all his friends hate me! He’s the one, he'll always be there, I took his hand and I’ll make it I swear,

“Because I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town, I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!”

Spencer’s smile was priceless, it made them even more confident to sing all the words, wanting him with zero shame, it’s not like anyone who knew him would know about this.

“When we said we were gonna move to Vegas I remember the look your mother gave us 17 without a purpose or direction We don't owe anyone a fuckin’ explanation”

“Because I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town, I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!” Making the softest eye contact with him, they moved their whole body to play to him.

“Black and white picture of him on my wall, I waited for his call, he always kept me waiting, and if I ever got another chance I'd still ask him to dance, because he kept me waiting!”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town,”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!” She had never been this passionate while playing this song in all the years they had played it together.

Her bandmates taking the lead singing, “with the guy at the rock show!”

“I’ll never forget you,” she sang in the middle of their chants, “I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget tonight, I’ll never forget tonight…”

She shot a wink at him before turning back in her seat to face the drum set the best way. The last two songs were Evie’s and Kat’s, she covered the backup vocals, making the occasional glance towards Spence as she thought of him.

Counting down the minutes till she could go see him.

Come a little closer by cage the elephant, an obvious title with lyrics that would clearly bring every memory of brushed hands against lower backs as they slipped past each other in crowded rooms, lingering as long as possible before they were gone again. Goodnight hugs when Penelope was already asleep and he could hold her a big longer and tighter, resting his head on her shoulder while she rubbed his back and breathed him in. And that night on the couch, not to mention all the mornings she walked in on him sleeping peacefully, brushing the hair out of his face, softly, in the hopes he didn’t wake up.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see, Come on, come on, come on, Things aren't always what they seem to be… Do you understand the things you been seein' Come on, come on, come on! Do you understand the things that you've been dreaming… Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!”

And even when he did she had a coffee ready for him when he sat up and smiled, giving them a few hours alone before Penelope would wake up. Talking all morning about star trek and dr. Who, smacking his knee as he made jokes that genuinely made them laugh while trying to keep her voice down so they didn’t wake Penelope.

Not many people made her feel like that in her life.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!” Staring at him, enticing him to do it the next time they had the chance.

The intro to I’d Do Anything by simple plan was one of her favourites to play, smiling wide as she began to drum as her best friends sang the words.

Waiting for the chorus to sing the words at Spencer, really sending the message, he wasn’t dumb, not in the slightest, he would get it. He had to, she had already been so obvious there was no turning back now.

“This could be the one last chance to make you understand,”

Her arms were starting to hurt as she played along with the most energy she has had in years, playing like a teenager whose parents just died and she needed to hit something, once again. It was freeing, playing with what she could only imagine was love in her chest instead of anger. It’s how she was supposed to play.

"I’d do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Cuz somehow I can’t put you in the past I’d do anything Just to fall asleep with you Will you remember me? Cuz I know I won’t forget you,"

Focusing on the drumming and ignoring the lyrics as her bandmates covered the lyrics, letting her go hog fucking wild on the drum set, almost kicking the chair out from under herself as they kept going. Joining for the chorus again before beating the shit out of her drum set.

I close my eyes And all I see is you I close my eyes I try to sleep I can't forget you Na na na And I'd do anything for you Na na na Naaaaaaa

“I’d do anything!” She closed her eyes as she pushes the words past her vocal cords, again and again, passionately playing the drums as her hair flew all over the place, worried she might break the sticks as she played.

“Cause I know I won't forget yoooou!” She plays the end of the song, snapping the left drumstick in half before throwing the right one into the crowd, right into Spencer’s hand, sending him a wink before saying goodbye to the crowd.

Sweaty as hell from playing the drums, they brushed their long black hair back behind their ears and in a low ponytail so it would fit under her motorcycle helmet on the way home. Putting their leather jacket back on and heading into the main bar to find Spencer.

“Hey,” he smiled as she walked towards him, the drumstick now resting in his pocket as he approached her.

“I can’t believe you came here all by yourself?” Y/N laughed slightly before pulling him into a thank-you hug.

“I wouldn’t miss it, I’ve been coming for a year now, it’s always a great time,” his smile was perfect, his teeth were so white and straight and she wondered how they’d feel against her neck.

“It’s been that long?” She pretended that she didn’t notice, biting their lip as he ran the calculations in his mind.

He nodded with a soft, pressed-lipped smile, the Spencer classic. “Yep, it’s been exactly 14 months straight now.”

“I know you don’t like bars and loud noises and people you don’t know, or germs which makes this like a nightmare of yours I guess because of the close proximity of people and the germs being spread as everyone screams in a crowd,” she ranted before he was pulling her into another hug, “so this means a lot to me,” she finished her thought beside his ear for only him to hear.

“Anytime,” he whispered as he held her, his arm on her back and chin resting on her shoulder.

“Did you need a ride home?” She offered, thinking about how nice it would be for him to wrap his arms around their body as he sat behind her on Patsy, her motorcycle.

“Yeah, unless you wanted to go to your place and watch another movie? I wouldn’t want to keep you waiting,” he spoke just loud enough to be heard over the music.

“Yeah, I’d love that, it’s been lonely while Penny’s gone,” a smile erupting on her face as she got the reference, “come on then.”

She took his hand in hers, interlocking their fingers and dragging him backstage towards her locker. She had a space to keep her things for practice and other shows she did during the week, keeping an extra helmet and jacket in the locker for nights like this, however, normally it was a cute stranger. Not the man she’s been crushing on since she was a teenager.

“Oh, you brought Patsy,” Spencer’s face went white.

“Did you not want to ride her? Come on, everyone wants to ride her at least once,” Y/N teased him as she put the helmet in his free hand.

Her bandmates staring at her with proud smiles as she took the guy from the rock show home; the one in the sweater vest from the front, the one who was the most into the whole show, they both gave Y/N a wave and a smile as they slipped out the backstage door.

They walked out to the parking lot, still hand in hand with their helmets in the other. Stopping at her dark purple Suzuki GS650 GT, it was her most prized possession because it used to belong to her parents.

She put her hair in the right spot before putting the helmet on, sitting down and starting the engine, revving it for everyone in the lot to see as Spencer put his helmet on and threw a leg over the seat, nervous as ever.

He fit behind her perfectly, just enough room on the seat for his chest to press against her back as he placed his hands gingerly on her hips. It made her laugh.

“You’re going to want to hold on better than that pretty boy,” she teased him before revving the engine once more, kicking the kickstand up and speeding out of the parking lot.

Spencer gripped her tightly as she took off down the street, taking the longest route possible to her home. She didn’t hit a single red light for at least 5 blocks, zooming through traffic as Spencer squeezed the life out of her.

He felt amazing, his hands were so big as he fully wrapped around her, reaching around completely so his right hand was on her left hip and vice versa. He was so close she could feel his heartbeat against her back.

He was nervous, he flinched every time she turned and held on even tighter somehow.

So she did another lap of the block, around the park’s bend so she could lean the bike as far as possible as Spencer’s fingers dug into her hips fiercely. Breathing deep enough that she could hear him over the engine, but he wanted her to keep going. Not ready to let go of her yet, this is the closest they had ever been to each other.

When she finally pulled into the parking lot of their apartment complex, they bumped over the curb and his hand grazed Y/N’s boob, he pulled back so fast it was barely there, she just shook her head and laughed. Parking the bike and putting the kickstand back down.

Spencer let out a sigh, relaxing against her as he rested his chin on her shoulder again.

“Have fun?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” he laughed, his voice deep and dry from breathing with his mouth open, it was cute.

He got off first when his legs were finally able to work again, still vibrating from the rev of the engine he walked like Ariel when she got her legs. It was priceless, no one has reacted like that after getting a ride from them, not even Penelope.

She took her helmet off while still on the bike, shaking her hair out of the ponytail as provocatively as possible before getting off. Spencer’s jaw fell open once more as he watched, breathlessly, just as she expected.

Either he liked them before and never told them, or he was going to start now.

Either way, it excited Y/N to their core, taking his hand once more and leading him inside, this time they could be as close as they wanted to and no one was going to walk in on it. She stopped at her locked apartment door, looking at Spencer as softly as possible so he’d know her feelings were real.

“I know this will cause the teasing we already get to skyrocket, so if you wanted to keep it between us, I fully understand,” she whispered.

“Is that what you want?”

He was so sweet it made her heartache, never before had anyone made her feel like this; like she wasn’t in control of her body or mind, like an override in the system her brain and heart chose Spencer and there was no stopping them.

“I just told a whole bar of people that I’m in love with the guy at the rock show before taking you home in front of everyone,” she laughed, “I don’t care if people know, I just hate when they tease us, they belittle everything we do like we’re 17 forever, it’s not fun for me.”

“I hate it too,” he pressed his lips together awkwardly once more, “I’d like to keep you to myself for a while.”

She cupped his face in her hands and pulled in, pressing her lips against his as they both tried to repress their tightlipped smiles. Finally, finally kissing after all those years staring at each other's lips while they explained something, passionately as ever with the most attentive ears.

“Exactly, me too,” she smiled wider as she pulled back from him, unlocking the front door and pulling him inside for that movie he mentioned.

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 (dm me if you want me to remove you)

[jeannereames]

"the vast majority of prostitutes were slaves, even high-class hetairai/courtesans"-- I'm curious about this, as Thais was perceived (at least by later authors, whether it was true or not) to have a friendship with/influence on Alexander. Does it seem likely to you that she was a slave, and if so, how does that fit in with the idea that Ptolemy may later have married her? Or would the fact that she was traveling with the campaign in the first place probably mean she was free?

Thaïs and Hetairai

To explain the exceptions, we need to understand the larger context of ancient Greek prostitution.

Hetairai in particular occupied a “gray” category. They were, and were not, pornoi. Greeks tended to divide women into two main groups, but with an overlapping “neither fish nor fowl” in the middle.

“Citizen women” are the freeborn mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, and nieces of citizen men. “Metic women” are the freeborn mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, and nieces of metics (metoikos), or resident foreigners. The term metic is specifically Athenian, but the category existed in other city-states. There just weren’t many [if any], with the exception of Corinth, another large cosmopolitan polis. (Also some in Asia Minor.) Some city states, such as Sparta, actually outlawed resident foreigners. One could stay only a limited time.

Anyway, these “proper” women got married, produced heirs, etc.

Women outside this category had no (or very limited) rights and protections, and the vast bulk were slaves—whether owned by a family (a house slave or a nurse), owned by the city-state itself (polis slaves), or pornoi (prostitutes) owned by businesses like brothels.

Prostitution was legal in ancient Greece—and taxed. Levels of prostitutes existed, depending on what skills, if any, she possessed. So a flute-player or gymnast was a skilled slave as opposed to a brothel worker—although even brothel workers might be tasked with weaving during the daylight hours.

The more skills (and natural beauty) a porna possessed, the better (and longer) her life was likely to be. But we shouldn’t assume any of it was particularly good.

Now we come to the gray area: the mistress (pallakē) and the hetaira: partially overlapping categories. Their categories exists, in part, to avoid the prostitution tax.

A pallakē was a kept woman, or mistress, usually the daughter of a high-born resident foreigner in city-states like Athens with citizenship restrictions. These girls could not legally marry a citizen male to produce heirs, but the citizen man and the girl’s father might have an important business relationship. Marriage was often a political or business tool for upper-class citizens. So this is a marriage-like arrangement. The girl would be provided for by the citizen man, often in a separate residence form his own (where he likely also had a wife). This is almost exclusively an upper-class phenomenon in large poleis like Athens, Corinth, or Miletos. Because she is freeborn (even if not a citizen) she is not a slave, nor is she a prostitute…ergo, there’s no tax. Her house, clothes, and support are considered “gifts,” not “payment.”

The term hetaira means “Companion.” The male form, hetairos, was used in Homer of the elite warriors who accompanied a king, and was still used in Macedonia into the historical period for their aristocrats.

But hetairai were the top category of prostitute, selected for their beauty, intelligence, and education. Unlike many citizen women, they could read and do sums, and kept up with politics, even philosophy. Their job was as escort: sex assumed to be part of it, but not the whole.

Because it took money to train hetairai to become hetairai (education, etc.), many began life as select slaves, not uncommonly purchased by older hetairai who were past their "use-by" date, so to speak. Some of these women adopted them as “daughters,” trained them, then put them to work. It tended to be more small-scale than the (usually male-owned) brothels with dozens of sex workers. And while some situations were no doubt cruel to the younger girls, there’s some evidence that strong bonds were formed between the madam and her girls.

The tricky part here was how these girls were paid, or how their owners were paid. Instead of a literal exchange of cash, their men would buy them things as a gift. So the madam would have olive oil provided, or the rent on the place she lived, or wool, or what-have-you “given” to her, then her clients had use of her girls (or herself). This allowed the madam to skate past that prostitution tax. Yet these women often lived in fear of being taken to court and accused of being prostitutes. The famous court case “Against Naiara” tells us a lot about the social fabrications of these top-level prostitutes. Also in that case (prosecuted by Demosthenes), we have his line that defines how (Athenian) men saw women:

“We have hetairai for pleasure, pallakai to care for our daily body’s needs, and gunaikes (wives) to bear us legitimate children and to be faithful guardians of our households.”

If a hetaira became famous enough, she might earn enough to purchase her freedom or—as in Dancing with the Lion: Rise, with Kampaspē—have one of her clients buy her/buy her free. She then became that man’s pallakē; he doesn’t have to share her with anyone else. In DwtL: Rise, technically, Kampaspē is still Alexandros’s slave (which has legal repercussions), but she is no longer a hetaira. (And—spoiler—she will eventually become a freed woman who takes in her own girls.)

Girls who were given as a pallakē would sometimes have to make the lateral move to hetaira if their sponsor died, or even if he dumped her as she aged. Because a pallakē did not have the legal protections of a wife, she was easier to discard. (Although some form of contract was likely made between her father and her sponsor to protect her.) But if her sponsor died, she isn't a widow and can't remarry, like a “proper” wife might. She could be transferred to another man, or she might become a hetaira, especially if she had the needed skills. This appears to be what happened to Aspasia. (See Madeleine Henry’s brilliant A Prisoner of History.) These girls may never have been slaves at all, then.

The most famous hetairai, such as Phrynē, or Thaïs, had earned their freedom (if they were ever slaves), and were therefore independent operators. As they received “gifts” rather than wages, they were not listed as pornoi, and avoided taxes. Nonetheless, they remained quite vulnerable legally as non-citizen women, so if technically free to do as they pleased, they usually remained indebted to wealthy men who might defend them in court if sued. Whether they could be married depended on where they lived. So in Athens, where Thaïs was from, she was ineligible for marriage. But in the new Ptolemaic empire, Ptolemy made his own rules. Sometimes hetairai could establish a certain degree of good will with a populace if they were generous donors and philanthropists, but even the wealthiest of these free women remained in a tenuous social position without protection from a (powerful) citizen male (or a king).

[dailylogyn]

Logyn Meta: Loki & Sigyn’s Relationship in Mythology

It’s a classic tale, and arguably one of the most famous in mythology: How Sigyn held a bowl above her lover’s head to shield Loki from the snake’s venom, in turn, holding back Ragnarok a little longer. 

But how did Loki and Sigyn come to be married? How did they meet? How did they fall in love? 

With so many questions, but few answers we are left with in what has survived with the stories today, we are often left to ponder how the story of Loki and Sigyn came to be. As have many others before me, I will be exploring my thoughts with what information we are given to ponder as to how these two lovers became a thing.

To answer this question, we must go back to the beginning where Sigyn was first introduced to us in the mythologies, presenting the ONLY information we know about their relationship -- specifically: The Poetic Edda & Prose Edda.

In the poem, Lokasenna, the most famous of poem’s with the couple, it talks of how Loki has been bound by the gods with the guts of his son, Nari, and how his son, Vari, has been turned into a wolf. The Goddess Skadi fastens a venomous snake over Loki’s face, from which venom drips. Sigyn, stated as Loki’s wife, stays by his side and holds a basin under and catches the venom so it won’t drip onto her husband, but when the basin grows full, she pulls it away to empty it, during which time venom drops onto Loki, causing him to wither so violently that earthquakes occur that shake the entire earth. 

In the poem, Gylfaginning, Sigyn is introduced in Chapter 31 as being married to Loki and that they have a son by the name of “Narfi or Nari”. She is then mentioned again in Chapter 50 where events are described differently than in Lokasenna; Vali, described as a son of Loki only, is changed into a wolf by the gods and rips apart his brother, “Narfi or Nari.” The guts of Nari are then used to tie Loki to three stones, after which the guts turn to iron, and Skadi places a snake above Loki. Sigyn of course catches the venom in a bowl. This process is repeated until he breaks free, setting Ragnarok into motion.

In the poem, Skáldskaparmál, Sigyn is introduced as a goddess, an Æsir, where the gods are holding a feast for their visitors and in kennings for Loki: “husband of Sigyn” and “cargo [Loki] of incantation-fetter’s [Sigyn’s] arms.”  

Now, knowing the little knowledge we have on their relationship, it’s time to explore it from the Viking’s point of view, which is where this all pretty much originated from, in order to understand it better.

Viking Way of Love and Life

I’m no expert in this category, in fact, I’m still learning about it as I go, but there are some important key things to note here about the Viking’s POV on things and how it ties into Loki & Sigyn’s relationship. 

Divorce was completely acceptable in Viking Times. In fact, women could own property, request a divorce and reclaim dowries if a marriage ended. She could divorce him for a good number of reasons actually. 

Women often remained faithful to their husbands, although they were known to have extramarital sex. If they were caught cheating by the husbands, it usually ended pretty badly for the women. 

A Man couldn’t marry his concubine, so his wife wouldn’t have to feel threatened about competition. They usually all lived in the same household. Adultery concerning the husband was okay, but not the wife.

Vikings didn’t categorize people as homosexual, bisexual, straight or etc.They differentiated between submissive and dominant roles in sexual relationships. Homosexuality was acceptable with limits.

Poetry was a big part of Courtship. 

Typically marriage was usually for alliances, set up by families and parents. However, this doesn’t mean there wasn’t romance or love between couples or potential marriages. 

Family life was important to Norse Men and people usually aimed to survive: typically by marrying and having children. 

How does this apply to Loki and Sigyn? Now, let’s dive into the typical hypothesis of their relationship. I call it a typical hypothesis because it hasn’t really been outright pointed out in the mythologies, but it’s something the Mythology community usually agrees on concerning Loki and Sigyn’s relationship from what we know here.

A Hypothesis into Loki & Sigyn’s Marriage

The marriage between the two of them alone is usually questioned by others, especially concerning Loki’s chaotic nature and Sigyn’s undying loyalty. Obviously, she could have divorced him whenever she wanted to if things were bad, but instead she remains by his side which leads us to the fact, not only does she truly love Loki, but she also knows more to him than we do -- as if there is a secret hidden side to the god of Mischief.

It is sometimes implied that the marriage between Loki and Sigyn was an arranged one to establish position in Asgard  -- as marriages typically were in Viking Times. This doesn’t mean there wasn’t love between them, In fact, it could have been a perfectly arranged marriage. 

Sigyn isn’t blind to Loki’s flaws, knowing perfectly well how her lover is and accepting him flaws and all -- unlike the other gods. It’s more than likely she knows about his other children: Jormungandr, Sleipnir, Hel and Fenrir, just as she probably knows about his affair with Angrboda. Again, this wasn’t an uncommon thing in Viking Times for a man to have another lover and other children with them. 

Loki is very much a family person, just as he enjoys having fun. There has never been anything alluding to him abandoning his family or abusing Sigyn and his kids despite what pop culture or other versions may say. Instead, they have been taken away from him by others in someway (ex: Vali having to kill Narvi as the gods use his insides as Loki’s bindings. Odin taking away all of Loki’s children, making Hel the ruler of the underworld, Jory the serpent of Midgard’s sea and Fenrir locked in bonds. Lets also not forget Sleipnir becoming Odin’s horse and most of his children dying during Ragnarok because of said gods. Sigyn’s whereabouts are unknown and Angrboda is dead. Case in point: I’d wanna start Ragnarok too.) 

Vikings typically used motifs or symbolism with their writings. This is where the “opposites attract/compliment each other aka Balance of nature’ comes into play. While Loki is outright known as a Trickster God, hence the God of Mischief (which is typically harmless pranks or fun), but it usually ends with bad results for him, turning into Chaos. And what’s the opposite of Chaos? Constancy and Order. Although it isn’t outright stated, she is pointed out as Loki’s loyal wife and seems to offer that Constancy to his Chaos. Hence, some of us refer to them as “Different Sides of the Same Coin.” 

Conclusion

Loki and Sigyn’s relationship is typically misunderstood by others nowadays thanks to how little information we have on them in the texts, some peoples own interpretations of their relationship (*coughs* MARVEL COMICS *coughs*) and how much Sigyn still remains to be unknown by others. 

I believe that if their relationship was to be portrayed in the proper way, taking everything here into note and not given to writers who don’t understand or refuse to take the time to understand their relationships/characters, they might actually be understood better overall. A good example of this I’ve found myself is from the German Movie: Mara and the Firebringer and Neil Gaiman’s book: Norse Mythology. They both explore Loki and Sigyn’s relationship in a proper light, not undermining either of them and exploring their thought process and actions in ways that only strength their relationship and one another as individual characters bonded together in marriage. 

Bonus mention to The Bifrost Incident by The Mechanisms for their interpretation of Loki and Sigyn’s relationship as well. 

_____________________________________________________________

SOURCES:

Viking Love: 8 Facts about Love and Love making from the Vikings - https://historycollection.com/eight-facts-love-marriage-viking-style/

The Love Life of the Vikings - https://historyofyesterday.com/love-life-of-vikings-f21c9ed58d4e

Norse Mythology Character Tropes - https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Characters/NorseMythology

Mara and the Firebringer TV Tropes (SPOILERS BEWARE) - https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Film/MaraAndTheFirebringer

Neil Gaiman’s Norse Mythology (Book) - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norse_Mythology_(book)

The respective Edda’s are linked above by their names. 

[infinitewarden]

Osiris isn’t Savathun.

Great! Now that I have your attention:

Man you guys tire me out about Osiris. If you truly believe this is Osiris I don’t mean to sound like That Guy that’s like “you don’t know what you’re talking about” but... You don’t know what you’re talking about.

So.

Let’s talk about how much Osiris cares about the City and humanity and why the Osiris in Epilogue is not actually Osiris.

Alright. Let’s start off with context. I think it’s super important to see what we do know as Osiris’s views. From my heavy analyses of him since 2020 I can confidently say these are what he views as the most important things a person can do:

Keep promises

Speak their truths

Protect the City & Humanity

Know that the Vex are true Evil.

Now, I won’t be doing a breakdown of each one individually but I will be talking a great deal of how important honesty is to Osiris, the City, and his views of the Vex.

Speaking honestly and bluntly.

I don’t know how many of you were into Destiny before Beyond Light, so if you were unaware of this it’s not your fault. However I’ve seen a very strange change in tone when it comes to how people view Osiris. Before Season of Hunt people hated - and I mean hated - Osiris. Why? Because he was blunt. They viewed his bluntness as rudeness.

To see a sudden switch to him being secretive and scheming is... alarming, to say the least. (And to see people think that this is the norm is also alarming but in other ways.)

The Osiris before Hunt was not secretive and scheming. He sought knowledge openly. He sought, specifically, the truth. I must stress just how open he was about his plans. First I’ll give you a few in lore examples:

I admit, I found your questions divisive and disloyal, and I feared you might be capable of breaking our unity when the City's position had grown so tenuous. Why divert attention away from the Traveler, our only hope? And then it got worse, dabbling in thanatonautics, Ahamkara-lore, chasing after Xur and the tricks of the Nine. Launching expeditions into the Reef and beyond at a time when ships were irreplaceable. Your quest split Guardians along ideological lines. This was your greatest crime: Hunters chose to pursue your visions instead of protecting refugees, Titans assembled teams to chase the legendary Vault of Glass instead of striking the Fallen, and Warlocks turned away from the study of the Traveler in favor of  your  ultimate obsession... learning the exact nature of the Darkness. ... Perhaps what drives a Warlock to madness is truth.

Osiris.

"Do not romanticize this burden. We wield a weapon." The Speaker shakes his head. "The Light wields you, Osiris. You are what you make of it. A glorious extension of its majesty, in many directions." Osiris paces at cadence with his words. "Then it would do well to speak clearly. To better direct me." The Speaker cocks his head. "Without will? Then it would be no better than the Darkness." "I am asking only for guidance; it is a delicate game we are playing." Osiris's voice, distressed. Regal again, the Speaker motions to the stone garden. "Will you sit with me?"

13: Margins Part II.

And, while I don’t particularly like using the Fall of Osiris comic as a source, it does have very important lines on his viewpoints that I find relevant yet.

Fall of Osiris #1.

Hell he was open about his plans to fuck with time itself to bring Saint back.

Sagira narrowed her eye at the rogue Lightbearer and lowered herself to Osiris’s shoulder. “Why’s he here?” she asked quietly. “I asked him to consult on the engineering work,” Osiris replied, crossing his arms. “You sicko,” the other man declared, walking a circle around the Warlock, his eyes darting along every surface of the Sundial around them. ... “Just one more question, then. Why all the fuss?” “I owe him.” “I owe a lotta people, Warlock. You’re opening the gates of hell with a Vex key.” “When the Traveler brought me back, I had no friends. No family—” “No one had anything in the Dark Age.” “But Saint was always there. And I saw him grow from neophyte to demigod.”

The Sundial.

"You haven't left the Forest in years," Ikora said to Osiris, the only one to address him directly. "I need help," Osiris replied. "I know," Ikora responded, hands clasped behind her back. She stared intently at her former mentor. Back in her Crucible days, that uncompromising gaze was often the last thing her opponents saw. Aunor glanced sidelong at her superior. Harper coughed and looked down at his datapad. "Two years ago, Guardians entered the Infinite Forest," Osiris continued. "They aided me in defeating the Axis Mind Panoptes, preventing a Vex apocalypse from befalling this system. "In the process," he looked between each of them in turn, "Some Guardians reported a body they found in the Forest depths." Ikora sighed. "Saint-14 never came back from that last mission to Mercury. We finally knew why. I reacted to it the only way I knew how."

Desperate Times.

“I do not understand all of this code. This is Geppetto’s specialty,” Saint-14 says while standing bent over a wide desk covered in data tablets. Holographic images of the Lighthouse shimmer in the Hangar lights. “We could use the Crucible right now. Your trials. This will be very helpful. You mean to stay, yes?” “I will. Long enough to show you how to implement the simulation; but tonight, I must disembark,” Osiris says. “So soon?” Osiris tenses his jaw in forced silence. He twiddles with code. “I’m worried about what Vance found.” Saint places a heavy hand on Osiris’s chest. “Let go of your obsession. Do not leave chasing phantoms again.” “Phantoms… You think the Darkness is satisfied? This is just the first move. I need to know the next before it’s made.” “If there is something you fear, let me help you. We face this together.” Osiris’s mind drifts to the Dark anomalies. Saint doesn’t need another burden. “The safest place for you is the Tower, Saint. Time... tends to renege on its gifts.” “So, your mission is dangerous?” Osiris considers lying. “Potentially.”

Immolant I.

There are many more sources I could list on his bluntness and honesty but there’s honestly too much. What is important to extrapolate from all of it is this:

OSIRIS SPOKE THE TRUTH NO MATTER IF IT GOT HIM IN TROUBLE. IT IS ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS HE GOT EXILED.

Protecting the City & Humanity

Idk where people get the idea that he’s abandoned the City and humanity. And I don’t understand where people think it’s “typical Osiris behavior” to choose to put the City in danger.

I want to make something very clear here:

Osiris was exiled. He did not abandon the City. And though others view him as abandoning it, that wasn’t his intention. He never intentionally abandoned it. Everything he did was in pursuit of a brighter future for humanity. Let’s look at one of his lines from the Sundial activity during Dawn.

“By the time I left the City, many believed my practices to be sacrilege. But my methods have prevented countless futures not unlike the one you walk now. When it is laid out before you, would you not sacrifice anything to see this future shut?”

The Sundial.

He left because he weighed his options and he saw that humanity would have better use of him if he left. He cares A great deal about the City. He cares almost too much about it. He would never give Lakshmi the technology to cause it harm, especially knowing that she’s unstable. And I’ve seen some people think he’s playing 5D chess? In what world would he ever choose to bring harm upon humanity for some sort of... agenda; which I’ve already cleared up earlier, he’s open about his plans.

Let’s look at more known lore about Osiris’s feelings of the City & humanity.

"You've wrapped your mind around an idea of your own making. I have always tolerated this fawning 'movement' of yours, but this is a step too far." Osiris seethed. Brother Vance was awestruck. He stared blankly at Osiris, unsure of what he could say to quell his anger and dissolve his frustration. "What I have discovered…" "…is dangerous enough to destroy every man, woman, and child in existence. You're meddling with forces outside your grasp," Osiris reprimanded. "I warn you here and now, remove yourself from this Lighthouse. Find a simple life. Start a family. Write music. Leave Mercury and this fool's errand behind."

Chapter 8: Idolatry.

Osiris was furious to find out Vance was experimenting in his name by endangering people for his goals. And he was especially mad that he would dive into such dangerous areas so much so that it had the potential to destroy humanity.

"It's truth." Osiris considers this. "Truth seems subjective these days," Osiris says, finally observing his entourage for the first time. Among them, a small group of men and women, stand two wayward Guardians—Warlocks, it appears—and a child. Their forlorn faces resonate with him. Castaways and believers. The weeks since his departure from the Last City have worn on him. He was used to working alone, knowing he could fall back to the City's resources should he need them. Now, adrift in the expanse of purpose, he finds himself longing for a place he could return to. A sanctuary.

Chapter 2: Postexilic.

Here’s a few lines from Season of Dawn:

“The Traveler, mutilated. Mercury, a desolate warzone. This is the bleak future the Cabal wants for us all. We do not know what has become of humanity here. I hope we will not find out.”

.

“There are many terrible futures, but I have not grown numb to seeing them. The future the Cabal wish for is a nightmare for humanity.”

.

“If the Traveler fled the system, there is a chance that the Darkness would ignore our region of the galaxy entirely. It would sacrifice our second awakening, our ability to wield the Light, but potentially continue our Golden Age. There are too many variables at risk, but it's a variant path worth investigating in the Infinite Forest.”

.

“This battered Mercury is a blueprint for our system. Lightless, bowed, and nothing more than fuel for an endless war. It must never come to pass.”

The Sundial.

There are many. Many. More lines I could put here about how much Osiris doesn’t want to see humanity suffering. And especially how he doesn’t want the City to be at risk. But I think you get the picture.

Know that the Vex are true Evil.

So. We all know Osiris as “the Vex guy.” His whole thing is on fighting the Vex. However it seems people think that he’d be okay with using them for grounds of a higher purpose? Or something? I don’t know, everyone I see rebuffing Osiris’s actions with Lakshmi don’t seem to be interested in explaining this one.

So anyways. Let’s talk about how Osiris views the Vex as true evil compared to other species.

“The Fallen are not so different from us. How hard would you fight if the Light were taken from you?” “Those stories ring false to me,” said Saint. “They are not a noble people. I’ve fought them, and so have you.” “I have not fought them all,” the Warlock replied, pulling his hands apart to create an intricate web of hovering cubes and points of light. “They are nothing, no threat—not like the Vex. Not like the Darkness.”

Vanguard Commander.

[u.2:06] Have you spoken to the House of Light, like I asked? [u.1:07] I would rather not speak with Fallen. [u.2:07] They may need our help. Their cause is just. [u.1:08] What happened to “trust no one?” [u.2:08] What happened to your sense of right and wrong, hero?

Maintenance Operations Log 30037.

The unenlightened wonder at my so-called "fixation" upon the Vex. They believe our gravest existential threat is the Hive, for those beings have made a pact with the Darkness itself via the medium of the Worm Gods (according to Toland, at least, and I see no reason to doubt him in this). But Darkness is not merely absence of Light. Darkness is an entity unto itself. Put simply, Darkness is not Nothing. But the Vex? The Vex seek neither Light nor Darkness. They seek Convergence, the reduction of all life to its simplest, most meaningless form. An entelechy of zeros and ones. "Evil" is a word for sentimentalists and fools. But, in the ontology of the sentimental, the Vex are more deserving of the term than the Hive. Given a choice between Darkness and Convergence, I would choose Darkness. It is a logical choice. Yet for this they banish me.

Kairos Function (Hunter).

This one is important because Osiris doesn’t subscribe to the idea of “good” and “evil”, and that he would go so far to say that the Vex are Evil shows just how much of a threat he views them as.

It’s just. Mind boggling to me that people think that Osiris would be okay with a Vex invasion. That Osiris would encourage Lakshmi to open up a rift to “send the Fallen away” (Despite being one of the earliest sympathizers!) Osiris isn’t ineffable, he’s just a man trying to do his best to help humanity. His actions aren’t difficult to understand, they have been written to be very clear and with understanding his motives.

Saying that it’s natural for him to be secretive and have contradicting opinions and actions is just. Wrong. It’s not him. It’s not how he’s supposed to be understood. Even in Curse of Osiris I don’t think his actions didn’t make any sense.

This is going to sound very mean but I want to be 100% clear: If you think that Osiris would actively choose to put the City in danger of the Vex, if you think that he would actively choose to stand calmly and watch as his lover was about to die to the very things he spent millions of lives to save... You don’t understand Osiris. Go back and reread his lore.

I leave you with this:

The Vanguard is dubious of our intent and ability, fearing corruption and displacement. They do not trust me. You were held in similar contempt for speaking your truth and empowering free thought. You know what it feels like to be chastised and labeled a traitor. We are mere steps away from a disintegration of our institutions, and they cannot see destruction staring them in the face. ... For so long, we have clung to the Light, denying the strength offered by the Dark. By using Stasis, we will end this war. We see this contest for what it truly is: a game, played by our adversaries. And we have been the pawns. We are pawns no more. This is not a battle I want to wage without you, although we may not have a choice in the matter. Wherever you may be, please come back to us.

To Osiris.

[isilwath]

So I do homecare and I have an elderly patient who is a retired professor. He recently received a letter from the wife of his last doctoral research grad student. Although he was relatively young, the man had died suddenly, and his wife was letting my patient know of his unexpected death. The news hit my patient rather hard, and we had to write a condolence letter and send a card to the man’s widow.

In writing this letter, I discovered that the man was leaving behind three children. Two girls and a boy. The eldest girl was 12, The boy was 10 and the youngest daughter was about six or seven years old. This is a very, very hard time to lose a parent especially one who seem to be as involved with his children’s lives as this man had been. I tried to make my patient understand that it was just as important to acknowledge the children’s loss as it was the widow’s. That their grief was just as profound and significant as the wife who was left so suddenly behind. I tried to get him to get a condolence card specifically for the children offering his sympathies for the loss of their father. Unfortunately I was unsuccessful. He felt that addressing his condolence card to the widow and family sufficed to include the children.

I remember when my father died everyone sent cards to my stepmother. I didn’t get a single card offering sympathies that I had lost a father. I remember feeling as if people felt somehow my grief was lesser than my stepmother‘s because she had been his wife and I was his daughter. I remember that I didn’t ease my grief any to not get any cards.

When my mother died, I didn’t get hardly any cards offering condolences on the loss of my mother. In fact I struggled to get anyone to come to her memorial service. The parish that she had been part of for the 40 years refused to hold the service on the weekend. They had it on a Monday in February and almost no one came.

This whole situation with the man’s sudden death has brought back a lot of very complicated feelings I have about myself and my relationship with my family. Both of my parents are dead. Obviously all of my grandparents are dead. I have two brothers who are older than me from my father’s first marriage and No full-blooded siblings. I can count on one hand the number of people I think would come to my funeral. I have no illusions that I will probably outlive both of my brothers since they are significantly older than me and I will probably outlive two of my nieces because both of them have complex medical conditions that are unlikely to be conducive to long life.

I struggle with this reality because I understand that there really isn’t anything I can do to change it. I don’t have any biological children and I am not magically going to get more siblings. It is unlikely that most of my husband’s family will care much about when I die. We’re not really estranged from them but we aren’t really close either. I’m sure my husband will grieve me and come to my funeral, provided I don’t outlive him.

I don’t know, I’m just feeling very maudlin in these days. My life didn’t work out anywhere near what I thought it was going to be. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. In many ways it’s a very good life. But it’s not the life I thought I would have.

I have no idea if anyone will ever read this because people tend not to read my Tumblr but I figured it was just worth Saying some thing about how I was feeling just in hopes that it would make me feel better to have it written down. I hope that you are loved and cherished all of your lives and that people will come to your funeral And care if you die.

And remember to always send sympathy cards to the children because their grieving too.

[damegalantea]

Ingrid on marriage, romance, and self-worth

ooc; this is the meta ive been meaning to write re: ingrid and her thoughts on marriage as a crest bearing heir / how it affects her romantic inclinations and other relationships. it's a bit long but will tie into some of the hc asks! c: thanks for reading~

The first section of Ingrid's profile in Three Houses has the date 1162, marking two things: the day she was born (1 / 4) and her betrothal to Glenn Fraldarius. As we will go over later Glenn is most likely around five years older than Ingrid so while the specifics of this agreement are never mentioned it seems clear to be a gesture of good will from House Fraldarius to House Galatea.

(There was no way to know Ingrid would bear a crest, and we can assume Glenn, based on Felix, did not bear his family's crest so most likely it was along the lines of "my first born male heir will marry your first born female heir", something the poorer Galatea dukedom could sorely have used).

Whenever Ingrid speaks of Glenn there is admiration there but also a certain nostalgia. I am certain that since her birth he was always a central figure in Ingrid's life, and equally certain that presence was a comfort rather than a burden; while the way she talks about Glenn is indeed tinged with grief they obviously had a good back-and-forth, and often (understandably Considering how young they both were) Ingrid's mourning comes off not as one mourning a lover but a dear friend.

This is important because unlike many other women of noble houses Ingrid knew who her husband would be since she was a child, and she welcomed it.

I think it's also important to note both Glenn and Ingrid seem to have wanted to become knights of their own volition! Ingrid's admiration for the duty seems to stem from the chivalric tales of old Faerghus she would read as a child, at least according to her Ashe support. Every other time she's asked she simply says it was an early dream of hers. I think this was probably something she and Glenn talked of an encouraged each other about – the type of children idealistic enough to envision themselves married and fighting for their kingdom side by side.

We know from Rodrigue Glenn was knighted (presumably made a squire ala Felix during the Western rebellion) at 15, and doing some quick math leads us to the revelation that Ingrid had just turned fourteen the year the Tragedy took place and both Glenn and the king died. I am going to extrapolate then that Glenn was most likely in his early twenties, perhaps finally ending his time as a squire, when he was sent to Duscur.

Ingrid lost her fiance as a fourteen year old girl, and while I don't doubt she was given some time to grieve it seems her father went right about trying to find someone else to marry his crested daughter.

It isn't really a matter of if we can fault him for it, Ingrid herself hates the idea but understands. Three Hopes confirms that Ingrid has elder and younger brothers who could easily take over Galatea territory if she were to be shipped off somewhere. Of course, Ingrid's father does not seem to be a bad man but he is a desperate and a poor one (poorer now than at the start of the war) and Faarghus is a crest based society.

Ingrid B support:

She clearly understands where her father is coming from, but hates being treated as collateral. As an object. I think it should also be noted it isn't some all abiding love for Glenn that makes her unwilling to marry - she loved him, certainly - but it is her freedom and her future as a knight that Ingrid fears losing not some maidenly honor (laughs).

My noble family—House Galatea—branched off from House Daphnel in the Alliance.

Shortly after, we were lucky enough to receive the support of the royal family, allowing us to attain nobility...to some extent.

But the territory we watch over is poor, its harvests meager. And our noble blood, too, has grown thin. Neither my father nor my brothers bear a Crest.[...]

A Crest is highly prized among nobles. Were I to marry into a greater noble family, that financial support could soothe our woes...

Glenn was the ideal as her husband not just because she grew up and felt comfortable with him but because, as far as we know, he respected her wishes to become a knight and respected Ingrid as a person. Ingrid admits that unlike other noble girls who would dress up for potential spouses she never needed to go the trouble:

I haven't the time to bother with such frivolities. As long as basic hygiene is being met, then I'm happy. But my time is precious to me, and my focus is on knighthood. Taking time to paint my face simply isn't a top priority.

Ingrid and Annette support:

(on makeup)

Furthermore, in her support with Dorothea, she says with some judgment  "gussying myself up to attract someone has never played an important part in my pursuits as a knight" and acts indignant when Dorothea shrugs off the idea of dressing for herself and continues to flirt with her.

Ingrid does not want to be seen as an object. She has been sheltered, so to speak, from that aspect of misogynist noble society and you can bet that she will fight it tooth and claw even as she feels conflicted due to her lack of filial piety.

This is important in any marriage related political situation or romance in general for Ingrid, as if she feels she is being objectified she will back out. It is a great fear of hers, and furthermore in her eyes as moral, upright person a great injustice.

(This is why she does not take to flirting well, and probably never will. If Ingrid were to grow to love someone romantically it would have to stem from a profound friendship first.)

(Also I do headcanon her as bisexual but that's neither here nor there).

A theme across Ingrid's character arc is that she is still learning: still learning Duscur was not to blame for the Tragedy and its people deserve respect, still learning what it means to be a knight, and learning (but not necessarily accepting) what it means to be an unwed woman in Fodlan's Faerghan society.